One suggestion is to be intentional in planning time together with your partner. This doesn’t have to be daily, and it doesn’t mean taking hours out of your weekly schedule. Planning small pockets of time to sit together, talk (not about work, kids, pets, or schedules) is deeply important. Spending even ten minutes daily sitting quietly together, can be significant. You might want to create a boundary that you only want to know about your partner. Sitting with, listening, touching, and empathizing with your partner (and them with you)…these are almost like micro-moments. Their effect is powerful, however.

When you think about your parent-self, being curious about your child’s attachment style can be really helpful. Understanding your child’s attachment style can provide some insight – a bit of a window – into how you connect, why you might feel closer to one child than the other(s), or why clashes seem to come out of nowhere.

Your child is no longer a child. Your child is a full-grown human. They have a long way to go in the world of development and growth. But you are now the parent to a graduate. An adult. Today you are more of a consultant. Your child will come to you for insight, wisdom, a shoulder to cry on and sometimes even because you are a safe place to blow up in – they know you can hold space for them in this. Wow. What a privilege.

If you notice that your happiness is often dependent upon your partner’s happiness, you recognize a need to be in communication with them frequently or feel panicked when they don’t return the gesture, or you notice even your behaviour changes when you feel your relationship is in any way unstable, you may have an anxious attachment style.

You may have found yourself wondering at times why you react the way you do, with your partner. Or conversely! You might wonder at times why your partner reacts or responds to you in ways that you struggle to understand. You know you love one another, so why do you have these “glitches” in your marriage at times?! It could be the attachment styles you each have.

As a new or even a seasoned parent, you might wonder how to be a perfect parent and make all the right choices for your kiddo. Spoiler alert: you won’t. And that’s okay! You won’t be a perfect parent. Please know, none of us are! The great news is that the research shows that you only need to make the great, wonderful, healthy attachment and relationship choices about 30% of the time, to raise a securely attached child.

Relationships are such interesting things! You need them! You need those individuals you call “your people” or “your tribe”. You have likely shared some of your best wet-your-pants laughter with them. You’ve also probably shared some darker times. Maybe your people are the ones you always go to first. Yet, they may say things or do things at times that make you react in ways that even you find hard to understand about yourself!