Post-Traumatic Relationship Syndrome and its Impact on Your Personal Life

As humans we are likely to encounter at least one or more traumatic incidents in our lives. Whether it is events like a fatal accident, natural calamity, divorce or break-up, death of a loved one, or multiple and prolonged events related to racism, chronic illness, or war, such experiences hugely compromise our mental and emotional health. Similarly to these traumatic occurrences, the abuse and neglect experienced in manipulative and toxic relationships are equally damaging to your mind.

Unhealthy relational patterns where an individual experiences constant or extreme belittling, gaslighting, control, or criticism are bad for your mental health. In cases of physical or domestic violence and sexual assault too, the overall mental balance of the survivor is deeply impacted and their perception of themselves or the world can forever change. Emotional and mental stress and exploitation in personal relationships can be disguised in various forms and if not addressed timely, they can develop into post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS).

What is PTRS?

Also referred to as relationship post-traumatic stress disorder or simply relationship trauma, PTRS is considered to be a subcategory of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). We often come across people casually talking about how their relationships are “too intense”, “too much to handle” or have left them traumatized. But ongoing research is indicative that PTRS is indeed real, even though it might not be a formal mental health diagnosis as yet. Going through abusive relationships or unpleasant break-ups and divorces can leave you deeply exhausted and insecure. Our brain starts associating intimate relationships with discomfort or danger. Hence, your ability or willingness to form healthy and fulfilling relationships in the future is affected.

Difference Between PTSD and PTRS

Although both share some fundamental similarities, it is important to understand the distinction between PTSD and PTRS. They both make it challenging for an individual to communicate and trust but PTRS is exclusive to traumas undergone in relationships only. Even symptoms like numbing, which are common in cases of PTSD are generally not observed in cases of PTRS. Just like all PTSD cases are trauma but not all trauma transforms into PTSD, all PTRS cases fall under the umbrella of PTSD but not all PTSD cases have PTRS symptoms. PTRS is often characterised by exhibition of some PTSD symptoms, like intense emotional outburst or reactions that generally lead to negative social interactions.

How PTRS Manifests

PTRS takes time to develop and reveal itself. It can occur any time during an abusive relationship or even after it ends. Insidious and slow, PTRS symptoms can be intrusive (related to re-experiencing the trauma) or pervasive (related to omnipresent feelings of helplessness or insecurity) in nature. They can also come about due to arousal or a trigger (related to fear response). The common symptoms of PTRS are:

• Extreme and unwarranted emotional responses like anger or irritability.

• Low energy levels and/or depression.

• Anxiety or panic attacks.

• Decrease in confidence and/or self-esteem.

• Insomnia or difficulty in maintaining proper sleep cycles.

• Lack of trust in others.

• Loneliness or self-imposed isolation.

• Sexual dysfunction or low libido.

• Feeling guilt and/or shame.

• Indulging in self-blame.

• Hypervigilance or feeling unsafe in general.

• Taking rash decisions like jumping into new relationships.

• Experiencing flashbacks and/or nightmares.

How to Date Someone with Relationship Trauma?

Dating someone is hard as it is and more so if the person you are interested in has suffered a lot in their past relationships or has PTRS. They may knowingly or unknowingly present various challenges for you as a partner and/or prevent your relationship from flourishing. Here are some suggestions to positively handle your relationship with a person struggling with PTRS:

• Do not try to fix them — It is natural to want to help someone in distress. But it is very important to differentiate between understanding their problems and taking responsibility for them. This ‘saviorcomplex’ is counterproductive as it increases their dependency on you while the goal is to empower them.

• Practice active listening — Prioritize open communication and prepare yourself to listen better, offering them your undivided attention as they share or vent. This way you can learn about all that you can do to ensure your relationship is a safe space for them.

• Be mindful of your own boundaries — It is essential that you do not internalize their problems and show yourself compassion as well. Take time out for yourself to engage in activities that rejuvenate you when things get overwhelming.

• Identify the triggers — Ask the individual about their triggers. Understand what causes them and the resulting symptoms. This will enable you to provide the person with an environment where they feel free from fear or insecurities and can better express themselves.

• Find help — It is imperative that you have an established support system for your person/partner as well as yourself throughout. Recovery from PTRS can be a frustrating and slow process. Individual therapy or couples therapy can benefit immensely by restoring relational stability and providing you both with healthy coping habits as well.

If you or someone you know is stuck in or has recently exited an abusive relationship, it is important that you recognize the abuse, talk about it, and ask for help without any hesitation. Visit a mental health professional,who can aid you in identifying, processing, and overcoming PTRS if necessary. We at Panorama Wellness provide a conducive environment as well as trauma-informed experts, who will gladly help you get started on your journey of healing and deal with PTRS efficiently.

I offer in person and virtual counselling for individuals and couples out of both our Langley and Surrey offices. You can learn more about me on my bio.