Coping with Loss During the Holiday Season
As we enter the last week of November, I have accepted that I can no longer try and resist all the holiday cheer around me. Prior to COVID-19, I would look forward to this time of year. Specifically, putting up our Christmas tree the day after Remembrance Day long weekend, starting my Christmas shopping list, and going for long drives through the streets that were lined with Christmas lights. As I sit here and reminisce on those days, I also remember why this time of year has become exceptionally more difficult in the last three years. This is because my family feels one of the greatest voids we have ever felt; the void my grandfather left behind after his passing.
Holidays just don’t seem to feel the same when a loved one is no longer present. Although my grandfather was not one for the holidays, and we would often find him in bed before the guests even arrived for dinner, I miss his constant “taste tests'' while prepping for these large gatherings or his help with the Christmas ornaments. I know that I am not alone in missing someone dear to me, and that after COVID-19, many people may be celebrating their first holiday season without a loved one.
I have compiled a list of 6 ways to cope with the loss of loved ones this holiday season. If you are also struggling with this grief during what is supposed to be the happiest time of the year, then I encourage you to join me on healing through utilizing some of the measures I describe below:
Recognize your Emotions
Oftentimes, individuals that are grieving will find that they feel fine one moment and very overwhelmed with emotions the next. This is absolutely normal. However, one of the worst things you can do during these moments is trying to push past these challenging feelings as it is no secret that the best way to heal is by accepting and recognizing our feelings. In these moments, express how you may be feeling to your loved ones, or whoever you feel most comfortable sharing with.
Give Back
Someone once told me that it is important never to let a loved one’s death go in vain. I never understood what this meant at the time, but have given it a meaning that makes sense to me. I personally recognize it as honouring something about a person’s life by applying it to your present. My grandfather loved seeing families together and celebrating big and small milestones. As a way to honour this about him, I try to look for ways to help others celebrate. Volunteering at a shelter, donating to the food bank, or putting together gift packages for the less fortunate may help you feel better. One may find comfort in helping those who may not have the means to celebrate by making a donation in the name of a loved one.
Set Boundaries
There is a lot of pressure to attend and host gatherings this time of year, but try and recognize where to participate and where you would prefer to opt-out. Remember that you may attend events but do not have to stay the entire time. Ask yourself what you would be comfortable with and do just that, whether that means staying at events for a short period of time, or even declining attending ones that you feel you would not be comfortable at. Loved ones will understand.
Start a New Tradition
Coming up with a way to honour our loved ones through traditions during the holidays can seem like a daunting and overwhelming task. However, by finding ways to incorporate them in our celebrations can allow you to feel that much closer to them. Some examples may include lighting a memorial candle, taking a few minutes to talk about them around the dinner table, raising a toast, making tree ornaments or even writing a letter each year.
Self-care, Self-care, Self-care!
Self-care for some may look like taking a shower and just getting dressed in the mornings while for some, it may be a workout and protein-packed meal to compliment. While grieving, it is important never to lose sight of taking care of yourself and your physical needs. This releases endorphins which will help you manage the feelings related to grieving. Try going for walks with loved ones, eating nutrient dense meals, meditating and/or working out.
Ask for Help
When needed, it is important to ask for support from loved ones or professionals. This time of year may bring out challenging feelings and talking through these feelings with a counsellor may bring new insight. Seeking support can also help you identify new grief coping skills to use at gatherings when feelings are overwhelmed with emotions. These techniques may include breathing exercises, journaling or listening to music.
The holidays represent a passage of time. It is a time that is shared with family and although it may be difficult to celebrate these moments without certain family members, it is also a time to honour and remember their importance. It is equally important to also honor the grieving process. We may never eliminate the void but with time, we learn to move forward with their memories.
If you are navigating a grieving process during this holiday season, I would be honoured to walk through this time with you. Please reach out and connect with me to see if I’d be a good fit for you and this time of your life.
