What is the link between anxiety and grief?

For those of you who have read previous blogs of mine, you will know that grief is something that I have personally experienced. I have experienced it through death, breakups, and major life decisions.

Often times, grief makes us feel like we have lost our sense of safety which, more often than not, results in heightened anxiety. This type of anxiety, which follows grief, feels like it comes out of nowhere and it is difficult to understand.

After the passing of my grandpa, I started to experience heightened anxiety when I was on the road. Driving on bridges and highways seemed nearly impossible; the few times I have tried, I would be met with profuse sweating, blurry vision, shaky hands and the feeling of closed airways. This, along with the anxiety that followed COVID-19, would often leave me feeling filled with hopelessness and existential dread. 

It wasn’t until I started therapy about a year after my grandfather’s passing that I was able to connect my driving anxiety to the grief I had not processed regarding the loss of my grandfather. Not only has the individual work that I have done with my therapist helped me heal through my loss, but I find healing when helping my clients through their grief and loss.

Now let's try and understand the link between anxiety and grief, shall we?

When we are met with loss in our life, we are overwhelmed with a wave of emotions. The time proceeding a death is filled with immense sadness, confusion, frustration, anger and sometimes regret. In addition to this, some people may find that they are experiencing anxiety but it’s a symptom that is more often overlooked. During this time, we begin to question our own mortality as well as that of other loved ones in our lives. We begin to fear that we may be faced with more unexpected events. Anxiety often lies in the unresolved and unprocessed aspects of the particular loss. Anxiety may look like driving anxiety, panic attacks, social phobias, hypochondria, and sometimes existential dread, just to name a few.

 Here are a few steps that helped me understand my grief induced anxiety that I hope you may find helpful:

(1) Understanding Anxiety

First and foremost, it was important for me to learn what anxiety really is. Through therapy, I was able to understand and now teach that anxiety refers to anticipation of a future concern. It is important to remind yourself that this is considered a normal reaction.

(2) Don’t go through it alone

Grieving can feel like a very lonely experience even when other people may be grieving the same loss as you. It is important to surround yourself with a strong support system, find grief groups and/or one-on-one therapy. Find people in your life you can share stories about the lost loved ones as well as look for ways to honor them.

(3) Find ways to honour your lost loved ones

I share this piece with a lot of my clients and its one of the most important lessons I learned when grieving my grandfather. My grandfather’s death was very unexpected – he struggled with depression and dementia and at the end, his depression won. As a way to honour his struggle with mental health, I became a strong advocate in our community for mental health and put a great deal of effort in ensuring I am well informed on how to help my clients deal with grief. How you honour a loved one will look different for everyone.

(4) Journaling

Journaling is a great resource that helps individuals process their anxious thoughts around grief. It is a great way to release tension and feel connected to our lost loved ones.

(5) Self-Care, Self-Care, Self-Care!

Self-care, and I don’t just mean a glass of merlot in a bubble bath - but activities such as exercise, meditation, gardening, yoga, pottery making (to name a few) - can be great ways to free yourself from anxious intrusive thoughts. Activities that are a true form of self-care allows you to be more present and control your anxious mind.

Loss is one of the most difficult things, if not the most difficult thing that we experience throughout our lives. It is important to remember that what lies beneath that grief is the ultimate reflection of love. It is nearly impossible to get over the death of someone we love dearly but it's something we can learn to live with. Through therapy, we can understand how to walk through the crippling anxiety caused by grief and find a new appreciation for our lives. If you are going through the loss and grief process right now, please reach out. I offer services both in Langley and Surrey and would be honoured to walk alongside you.