Counselling is also about the positive moments
It’s common that individuals reach out for counselling in times of need. There’s been a struggle, either in the past or it’s current and ongoing. Either way, the discomfort you experience is too much, and you want to learn how to process and heal from it.
It’s common to expect some deeply emotional and difficult moments in therapy.
It’s common to anticipate sadness, anger, maybe some fear.
It’s also really okay to want therapy to notice and hold onto some bright moments.
When I meet with a client for a first session, one of the things that I talk about is the risks and benefits of counselling. Very simply, the risks are that you might experience some hard-to-process or unexpected emotions or memories. The benefits are wellness, healing, and health restored. As someone who appreciates some good imagery, I typically share with my clients that I envision the risks and benefits of counselling similar to climbing a mountain or going on a hike. On your way up the mountain (or start of the hike) you might find you struggle to catch your breath; you might twist an ankle or scrape your knee. These things are painful. They might cause you to second guess whether the hike or mountain climb was really such a good idea. You question whether you should have just stayed home, slept in, and just foregone the hike in the first place. You might even watch others around you moving effortlessly, and you notice feeling alone.
If you can pause to catch your breath, offer yourself a little compassion for the scraped knee or twisted ankle and then push through to the top of the mountain, your perspective will be renewed. You will experience yourself, your relationships, your life through a different lens. You’ll have a newfound appreciation for your incredible resilience. You may understand yourself better and you may understand others around yourself differently, too.
This is much like counselling. If you can push through some of the hard emotions, the difficult experiences you know need processing - within the safe space with your counsellor - you will hold a different perspective at the end. You will begin to see that counselling can be about hard things, but also the positive, good feelings too.
The wonderful thing about hiking – and counselling – is that there are moments along the way where you can resource yourself. A drink of water, resting for a few moments to catch your breath, a friend nearby to encourage you on. In counselling, your therapist is with you to keep you grounded in the present moment, to empathize, to connect, to cultivate a safe space where you can process. Your counsellor is there to connect with you and resource you when you’re finding it difficult to keep going.
So much of hiking a mountain feels uphill and you might be remiss to notice the parts where there’s a plateau, or where you might catch a glimpse of the skyline, valley, or other incredible views. These moments are gold, and they are likely what will keep you hiking. Having someone beside you to notice sparks of healing is also helpful! As a counsellor, I can share that it’s my deepest privilege to walk alongside a client who is both struggling and persevering at the same time.
In counselling, you might notice your counsellor pausing at times that don’t feel hard. You might wonder why your counsellor is asking you about what “calm” or “happy” feels like. A question I find myself asking clients is “how do you know you’ve experienced some healing”, or “what does ‘empowered’ feel like in your body”? Spending time in that positive space is infinitely helpful and healing.
In the world of neuroplasticity, your brain needs some intentionally focused time exploring, understanding and physically feeling what healing, calm, or happy is like (for example). The human mind has a negative bias – it typically focuses on the negative. Noticing positive emotions or physical sensations is not something it naturally focuses on, so your counsellor’s prompting is necessary, and can help you learn how to do it for yourself.
Identifying where you feel those positive emotions in your body is another powerful way to help your mind to really be able to notice and remember them.
Noticing positive thoughts is also influential.
Spending time posturing a positive perspective gives way to the effects of dopamine and those endorphins in your brain that help you feel good.
In counselling not only noticing those positive moments but also spending focused time on what it’s like to feel them, experience them physically and pausing to really experience that positiveness all contribute to a powerful healing experience. When you spend time focused on, or privileging the positive, you can begin to create new neural pathways in your brain. These new pathways are supportive strength factors. They help you to experience yourself, others, relationships and experiences in positive, newfound ways. You might notice yourself challenging previous negative self-concepts. You might notice that things that used to set you off (trigger you), no longer have the same influence in your life. That’s not to say life won’t throw curveballs, or you won’t have struggle, but you may approach and experience them through a new lens and respond differently.
The next time you leave counselling feeling that there were more mountain-top-moments, than out-of-breath ones, I invite you to spend some time reflecting on why that might be. Taking it one step further, be curious about what it feels like to experience those positive emotions/thoughts. What do you notice about yourself?
The hardest part of starting a hike is strapping on those hiking boots. The hardest part of reaching out for counselling is that first call or email. It’s vulnerable and it takes a ton of courage. It’s worth it though! Having someone come alongside to connect with you, to remind you of your strength, to validate your deep struggle, to notice and to pause in those positive moments helps cement your growth and positive thoughts about yourself and your experience. As a therapist who deeply values the role that a positive perspective holds in healing, I invite you to reach out and connect and start your journey towards healing.
