You probably don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle, because it’s pulling you apart rather than drawing you together. But how are you supposed to do that? When you’re in the middle of conflict, it’s so hard to step out of it.

I find those moments incredibly powerful because they remind me that trauma therapy isn't only about revisiting what hurt.

It's also about developing the capacity to experience safety, grounding, and regulation in the present.

One week after my 50th birthday, I crossed the stage to officially become a therapist. I was wearing the cap and gown, holding my diploma, and thinking, I wish I had done this earlier in life.