What’s it like to see a counsellor for the first time?
Believe it or not, counsellors are human. I KNOW RIGHT?!
And as counsellors…and fellow humans…we need to have our own therapists to help us sort through some things. Some people choose to do therapy on a monthly basis, and others just when they need it.
In our humanness, our experience of meeting with a new counsellor can be quite similar to you, and so since I recently started meeting with a new therapist, and I thought I’d share a bit of what I went through in hopes that you might be able to identify with some of it. And maybe it’ll help you when you reach out and start counselling for the first time (or with a new therapist).
So what’s it like to see a counsellor for the first time?
Awkward and kind of like a blind date
Before I met with this counsellor, I did my research. I had a few referrals from other people that I trusted. I took a look at their websites, and tried to see if I thought they might be a good fit for me. The therapist that I chose didn’t offer a free 15-minute phone call, but I kind of wish I had asked for one, because it might have helped my nerves a bit.
I booked my session a few weeks in advance, so it wasn’t really top of mind, but then I got the reminder email for my appointment, and then my brain started turning. What was I going to talk about? Things don’t feel so bad right now because I just had summer break, so maybe I don’t really need to go? What if they think I’m a freak?
When I got the reminder email there was something in it that made me pause about her Covid protocol, so I actually sent an email to clarify because I knew that the way it sounded, I was going to be super uncomfortable. She replied, acknowledging my request and agreed to meet the way I felt most comfortable.
And then I sat down. Now what? She asked what I wanted to work on, and I felt silly saying I wasn’t sure, but knew I needed some support. And then it was this little dance of getting to know each other. Kind of like a blind date, where there’s a potential for an intimate relationship, but you’re not really sure how to start.
You might cry…and you might not
I cried. And I totally thought I wouldn’t! This was the first session for goodness sakes. I thought it would just be about getting to know each other. But she was good, and asked a question that touched a nerve in me and brought up some emotion. I’m kind of glad she was able to do that, but I always feel uncomfortable crying.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m TOTALLY fine with anyone else crying. Just not me.
If you go to counselling for the first time, you might just get through the whole first session without any tears, and there might be a ton. Either way is totally fine and normal.
It can feel like nothing was accomplished
I have clients who come back for a second session and when I ask how they felt after our first time together, they’ll shrug their shoulders and say “it wasn’t really much, because we were just getting to know each other”.
This is something you might want to pay attention to. Spending a session getting to know you and what your life has been like and where you want to head can be really helpful for the therapist. It helps them get a picture of you, and set a bit of a path for your work together. And at the end of the session you’ll feel like that was good work.
Other times you can get through all of that and feel nothing. There wasn’t a connection with your counsellor. Or they were off base with any questions they might have had. Or you just didn’t get a good vibe. And that’s totally valid. Pay attention to that too. A lot of the indicators of whether you’ll have success with counselling depends on the fit you have with your counsellor. If it’s not working early, go try someone else.
You might have ALL the feels after…and you might not
Quite often when I end my first session with someone, I’ll saying something like this…
“Pay attention to how you feel tonight. You might feel like this is awesome, and you can’t wait to get going, or you might feel really heavy and like there’s more shit there than you thought.” Both are completely normal responses.
If you walk out having a lot of emotion after your session, pay attention to how long it lasts. If it’s gone the next day, then that’s doable. You opened up, but it wasn’t too much. If you find that you feel overwhelmed or quite heavy for a couple of days after, then you will want to let your therapist know…you might need to slow things down a bit.
You don’t have to stick with that person…and you might want to
Like I mentioned above, the first session is a good time to suss out whether this is a good fit for you and what you need in your counselling journey. If you’re finding that your counsellor isn’t getting you, or doesn’t seem to have the skills to help you with what you’re working through, you have a couple of choices.
You can let them know and see if they can adjust. Or you can let them know that you’ll be looking for someone else. Most of us realize that we can’t be experts in everything, and that we aren’t the best fit for everyone who walks through our doors. Our feelings won’t be hurt.
Liberating
When I walked out of my new counsellor’s office, I felt a bit lighter than I did when I walked in. We had talked about how I might want to handle a situation that I was facing, and I also felt like I understood something about myself a bit better. And that felt awesome. THAT’s why I believe that counselling works.
And that would be my hope for you as you begin your journey into counselling.
If you’re interested in meeting with one of our counsellors to get started on helping yourself, contact us today at info@panoramawellnessgroup.ca. We offer free 15-minute phone consultations to help you figure out if we are a good fit for you and what you need, we are all trauma-informed, and all Registered Clinical Counsellors. We look forward to meeting you!
Lisa Catallo is a Registered Clinical Counsellor who works with women and couples who have survived a traumatic experience. She owns Panorama Wellness Group and is confident that we have a therapist that can meet your specific needs.
