How to get the most out of your counselling session
So you’ve decided that you want to get some help beyond talking to your good friends over lunch. It can be a big decision to open yourself up to someone else, so I thought I’d share with you some reasons why people come for counselling and how to maximize the benefits you can get out of this support.
When I welcome clients into the counselling space I am met with a variety of concerns. There is a vulnerability and bravery that each person comes with that I want to honour and support as a counsellor. I do this sometimes by introducing a metaphor that normalizes the act of seeking help. I share that coming to counselling is akin to taking your car in to get serviced. We know that if we stay on top of the maintenance of our car it will run at peak performance and not break down. Likewise, our emotional and mental health needs regular check-ups to ensure our lives and relationships thrive. In my humble opinion everyone should seek support from a counsellor on occasion or regularly to ensure your system or “car” runs at peak performance!
Despite this, there are some roadblocks that sometimes get in the way that could prevent you from getting counselling. What if you grew up with a family that emotions were not expressed or there was some judgement regarding struggling with them? Possibly you think you should be able to manage life’s stresses on your own and asking for help seems “weak”. Maybe you have tried to talk to someone before and the approach that was used did not fit for you. These are just a few reasons that I have heard from people, and I honour and understand all of them knowing that many more roadblocks also exist such as finances or time.
Let’s shift gears and talk about some of the reasons that people walk into the counselling room. What I have noticed is that there are a couple common themes that typically surface with my clients.
Theme 1: The universality of pain and suffering in life and needing to make sense of or process it.
There is no limit to the potential of what someone’s pain could be and sharing this with another person is how we are wired as human beings. Your nervous system responds to relational injury the same way it does if your life is threatened. Your need for connection, feeling understood, and sharing your sorrow is part of your biological drive to survive in the world. Sometimes when this need is not met it can show up as anxiety, depression, or other mental health and relational concerns. Attending counselling can help you understand your need for connection and how to meet it.
Theme 2: How a person’s past impacts their current life.
As I stated in the previous section, relationships have enormous impact on how you feel safe, understood, or cared for. Sometimes you are deeply injured by past connections with people, and this continues to affect your present day relationships. Maybe a past event outside of your control affected your felt sense of safety and you are struggling to find your footing again. Sometimes, you start to struggle in the present and have a hard time understanding why. The past always informs and colours the way you see and move through the world. In counselling you can find the zoomed out view of who you are and how the past informs the present.
How to get the most out of your session:
1. Set goals & measure them!
When you begin the counselling process you might have a specific concern to address or maybe you just want to be proactive about your wellbeing. As your counsellor it is my job to help you clarify what it is you want to get from attending. It is always good to start off with a short term and longer term goal so that you can measure the benefits of coming with clear targets. Sometimes, it is hard to quantify emotional and psychological experience so it is important to find benchmarks that can tell you that the process is helping.
For example, maybe your goal is to feel less anxious generally. We might explore specific circumstances that are anxiety inducing, the way you experience anxiety in your body, what thoughts you have regarding your experience, or understand when your experience of anxiety first began. Then we check in regularly to see if any changes occur regarding this. If we consider the themes previously mentioned, having someone “be with” you throughout this process to help you develop skills, understanding, and self-awareness is the catalyst for healing.
2. Be kind & gentle with yourself!
I often get feedback from client’s that they are exhausted and mentally drained after their sessions. I explain this by sharing that coming to counselling is like going to the gym for your mind and emotions. When you have not worked out your body for a long time the result is typically sore aching muscles until your body gets used to the new demand on it. This is the same for beginning to work your mind and emotions for the first time. You can expect to feel tired and a little sensitive regarding your emotions and mind until you get used to it. Having a posture of kindness for yourself through this process will make it smoother for you.
I encourage you to think of going to counselling as being a responsible owner of your system (car) and that you deserve to be taken care of so that you can be at your best! If you are interested in starting this journey with me or another counsellor feel free to contact the Panorama office for more information.
