Father’s Day Reflections - Ashleigh Keizer

Father’s Day has always been a day I’ve anticipated without much emotion – you could say I was (and am!) neutral towards it. My memories and experiences are neither overwhelmingly amazing, nor terrible. Growing up, I recall this day to be full of gifting my dad with his favourites…like Pringles or Licorice Allsorts. Those snacks, to this day, remind me of my dad. (I notice a smile, even as I write those words.) We would go on a family bike ride and if memory serves, dinner was usually something done on the BBQ. These little things, I have come to learn in adulthood, are the important ones.

 As an adult, I now notice much of my dad in me. I reflect with gratitude. He taught me a lot but what stands out was his unspoken permission to cry – as a career driven, high-achieving businessman, he made sure to exemplify the deep value in allowing tears to fall. He passed along his love of music, guitar and piano playing to be specific. I have experienced it in myself, and I see it in my children as well – and I know these gifts come straight from him. Everyday I’m grateful for these things.

 What I also reflect upon also, was a battle with mental health. It wasn’t spoken of until his later years, but I know this silent struggle affected him deeply. I sometimes wonder whether it was lonely. I wonder how his life could have been different? Was the quiet to preserve his career or reputation? Was it less acceptable to speak about or reach out for help back then? Was it frowned upon to open up (in particular as a man)?

 What I take away from those years of silent suffering is that his struggles affected many of us. I can now say with confidence that reaching out – the most vulnerable and also bravest thing – could have brought healing sooner. I am ever thankful that today, while still so hard, it  isn’t what it used to be. I am encouraged by this.

And as the mother of a couple of boys, I appreciate when I see men in our waiting area. As I welcome all individuals into my office, I reflect upon the courage it takes to reach out for help. I have caught myself on occasion, experiencing deep admiration for men seeking healing, who want to be well for themselves, their children and their partners. If you’re struggling and wonder whether you should reach out – I invite you to be brave for yourself, for your family…for your future. I invite you to connect with me or any of our other therapists.