Six Ways to Reconnect as a Couple After Childbirth

It is completely normal to feel exhausted and wanting to disengage from time to time when you enter motherhood. One can face postpartum challenges even with their partner and with approaching intimacy as new parents. Read on to know about how you can work together as a team and focus better on your relationship during the trying post-pregnancy phase.    

In nature, nothing comes close to the miracle of birth and what a woman goes through when she chooses to become a mother. It is a transformative experience like no other, which forever changes the body and the course of life of millions of women, many of whom can find their postpartum lives difficult to navigate emotionally, mentally, and physically. Even though the joys of being a mom are many, the role is certainly overwhelming. One’s relationship with their own self as well as those around them can undergo modifications due to the chronic fatigue that caring for an infant causes and the hormonal alterations post-birth, irrespective of a cesarean section (C-section) or vaginal delivery.

If you have a partner, then having a baby together can be such a revelation. This experience can help you both discover so many new facets of each other, including how the other person deals with the increase in responsibilities and stress that the baby brings along. Preparing for the pregnancy as a couple goes a long way in mentally preparing oneself and mitigating some of the obstacles your relationship might encounter once the baby is born. But there are still many unexpected hurdles that can pop up, often causing misunderstandings or creating distances between the new parents.       

Reasons for Feeling a Disconnect with Your Partner

·      The dip in estrogen and boost in prolactin are most likely responsible for a decrease in your sex drive as a new mom. This evolutionary shift in hormones is nature’s way of ensuring that your body can heal better, and you can focus more on the newborn.

·      Postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), which include a range of disorders like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychosis, and depression. Symptoms in new mothers like severe mood swings, unusual sleep patterns, panic attacks, withdrawal, and having intrusive negative thoughts should NOT be ignored.

·      You may feel self-conscious since your body has undergone massive changes during and post the pregnancy. Or you might simply feel touched out as you now have a breastfeeding infant, or a clingy toddler attached to you most of the times. You might feel used or violated as do not have your body to yourself like before. Caring for a baby does often require relinquishing your personal space to some extent.

·      Since parents of a newborn need to constantly be on call all day and night, it is natural for your relationship to take a backseat temporarily. Be it sleep-deprivation or physical and mental exhaustion, finding the time to feel connected or get intimate may feel nearly impossible.

Steps to Rebuild Connection and Intimacy Post-Birth

1.    Take Your Time: It is important to be patient with yourself. Even if your physical recovery is on track according to your healthcare professional, being emotionally and mentally ready to take on life again is more essential. You must avoid comparing yourself to anybody else, as every experience of motherhood differs. Even though you might not feel like yourself anymore, gradually learn to accept and process your circumstances as they are. You are not broken, and this too shall pass.

2.    Communication is Paramount: Being open and honest with your partner is key for maintaining your bond and intimacy as the postnatal period can be very isolating. You should talk to each other about your expectations, needs, and doubts without any hesitation, with the aim to arrive at solutions that benefit you both as a couple and a family unit. Have weekly check-ins to ascertain you both are on the same page and to provide each other with the much-needed support.  

3.    Plan for Proper Distribution of Labor: With the changing relationship dynamics post childbirth, equal and fair distribution of responsibilities and domestic labor is imperative. Mothers usually start bearing the invisible load of pregnancies as early as conception and then are expected to continue putting in most of the labor during the postpartum period as well. Discarding traditional gender roles helps improve teamwork and prevents resentment from festering.

4.    Focus on Self-Care: Easier said than done but carving out some me-time each day to regroup and relax will help you connect with yourself as well as your partner too. Journaling, listening to your favourite music, taking a walk, or calling a friend are some useful ways of boosting your mental health and including your partner in some of these activities can facilitate better understanding among you. A happy individual makes for a happier relationship and a happier baby.

5.    Redefine Intimacy: It is normal to refrain from sex for fear of pain or to feel unprepared to reintroduce intimacy into your life postpartum. Instead opt for low-key ways to be physically intimate like cuddling, kissing, taking baths or massages together. Even if you do not have the energy to talk or do much, just simple non-sexual gestures like holding hands or hugging can help you strengthen your bond. Being kind and thoughtful towards your partner can help you ease back into romance and sensuality again.   

6.    Get Additional Help: It indeed takes a village, so do reach out to family and friends who can help out with the baby periodically. Even if it is just for a few hours every week, these hours can make all the difference between feeling burnt out and being rejuvenated and functional. You can also get in touch with others going through similar experiences by joining a support group for moms in your area.

If you or someone close to you is having trouble in their lives post-birth, then reaching out to a mental health professional is a must. A therapist can guide you and help you overcome your baby blues through various methods especially designed for mothers and couples who are struggling to keep up with their parental responsibilities. We at Panorama Wellness have a team of experts who can aid you in strengthening your relationship without having to compromise on your role as parents. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you feel I could be the right fit for you, learn more about me here.