How to be fully present with your children when everyone's getting tired of summer break

If you try, you can probably think back to some of the craziness of June and maybe you’re thankful that it’s behind you. There are moments that seem to wiggle their way in more frequently these August days however…these moments of noticing everyone being antsy for summer’s end. There’s a boredom in your home, perhaps. The lack of routine you so deeply craved in June you’re starting to dislike. It seems like too many Slurpee’s, too many pajama days and the house hasn’t been clean or tidy for what feels like forever.

There’s part of you that doesn’t want summer to end – because you know full well the mundane lunch making will soon be upon you. And (!) there’s a part of you that could really do with a little (maybe a lot of) structure. You have also noticed some days you feel a little guilty or maybe disengaged. You’re not feeling as present as you’d like.

Part of you wants to engage fully, enthusiastically, with joy and all the adventurous plans. Part of you feels overwhelmed by this.

Part of you notices that the first Tuesday after Labour Day Monday is feeling pretty exciting.

I think it’s important to right-size some of your expectations. You might notice that other parents and caregivers continue to snap and share photos of amazing-looking beach days, glorious camping trips and the best zoo days ever. We I remind you that any social media that may be influencing how you currently perceive your summer, is a snapshot. It’s not reality. Part of it may be reality…but guaranteed, no camping trip is free from tired children, under-slept parents and some sort of crankiness. Ironically, some of that space you may have needed from your children – the moments you’ve scrolled social media to give yourself a break and zone out a bit – those may be contributing to how you’re feeling about your parenting.

Would you be okay to put your hand on your heart for a moment, to take a deep, deep, deep breath, and remind yourself that you’re doing your best?

Your best looks different in this part of this season than it did in earlier parts.

That is really okay.

Keep that hand on your heart.

Exhale and slowly release your breath, and with it some self-criticism and/or feelings of guilt you may notice.

Can you take another moment and breathe in a little self-compassion?

You’ve done it. You’ve cared for your small humans (even if they are now taller than you!) for many summer weeks. You’ve cooked, cleaned, driven, registered for, fed and housed your humans well. It’s exhausting. And you just have a little more time ahead of you.

Now what?

Now, let’s look at a few ways you can be fully present with those kids of yours. Being present doesn’t mean 100% full-on entertainer mode. In fact, that’s unfair to expect of yourself. It’s also not ideal for your kids to have a full-time entertainer (unless they are itty bitty of course…then they need lots of hands on).

Interestingly, being present is more about “sliding door moments” than it is about all day, full-on adventures. Sliding door moments are those tiny, seemingly inconsequential moments we can pop in and out of. They are the moments we step into or through, like we do as a sliding door that opens and closes. They are deeply influential.

What does a sliding door moment look like?

Well, it can look like anything really but here are some suggestions you can take and make into your own!

A sliding door moment for a kiddo whose love language is quality time:

-       A surprise games night…for more than one night. Recently one of my kiddos (who loves quality time) asked a sibling and I to play Dutch Blitz. I do not love games and could tell this kiddo needed some time together. We played. It was great. This same kiddo asked me for the following three nights, to play a (different, thank goodness) board game. I could tell that she really needed that time. Truthfully, it was so good for me, too. Eye contact is invaluable.

-       A picnic. This could simply be grabbing some leftovers or some crackers and cheese and biking down the road to the local park and pulling up a park bench. There’s something simple and nostalgic about picnicking, isn’t there? Making eye contact, talking (or just sitting) while quietly munching on strawberries and sandwiches is deeply rewarding.

-       Go berry picking together. (This is fun, rewarding, it teaches your kids where some of their food comes from…and gives you something to take home!)

A sliding door moment for a kiddo whose love language is physical closeness.

-       Watch a movie together…on the same couch.

-       Read together as you put them to bed.

-       Give them at least 4, 7 second hugs a day for more than a week. The research shows that emotional connection happens at the 6 second mark…so 7 seconds is sure to help them (and you) feel connected, safe, regulated and of course loved!

A sliding door moment for a kiddo whose love language is words of affirmation.

-       Surprise them by randomly sharing things about them that you love. Make sure these are not action-based words but identity words. This looks like calling them out (in a good way) for who they are, not something they have done. When a kiddo feels like they are seen for who they are, they will feel more confident and prouder of themselves. When they believe they are celebrated for what they do, they will feel they risk losing this praise/affirmation. This isn’t to say kids shouldn’t be celebrated for accomplishments, but identity-based celebration is lasting.

-       Leave sticky notes in random places for them to find. Words that embody them, that tell them you love them or that you are proud of them for who they are, maybe for how they grew last year, or for something cool you noticed in them over the summer are all important. (I have been known to take white board marker and write a note on a bathroom or bedroom mirror for my kids.)

Summer is a time of change. It’s stretching and it’s joy-filled and everything in between. If you’re feeling a bit weary, you are not alone. If you’re excited to start making lunches again, that doesn’t make you a bad caregiver. It makes you human. As a parent, I understand the spectrum of emotion and experiences that come hand in hand with summer – I feel them with you. Please reach out if you’re needing to connect and talk through maybe some struggles you’re having. The summer can bring up some difficult emotions or ones that caught you off guard. I’d love to navigate some of the challenges you’re noticing, with you.