Why Are You Not Looking Forward to Fall?
You’ve waited all year long for these summer days!
Biking some evenings after work or walks with your partner.
Summer salads or barbeques on the patio
Losing those few extra pounds and heading into the fall less self-conscious.
Seeing friends you’ve been trying to connect with for months.
Going to work but at a different pace – everyone is laid back in the summer!
But here you are. The summer has flown by. You wanted all those relaxing, bucket-filling things because the Fall is hard for you. It’s strange and a bit disheartening because everyone you know loves Fall.
This can leave you wondering why you might not be looking forward to the Fall. Yet the Fall can be triggering for some people.
What is a trigger, anyway? In order to understand why you might not be looking forward to Fall, it can help to understand what a trigger is, and then identify what that is for you, and how you can help yourself move forward.
A trigger can be almost anything really…a smell, sight, or sound…that triggers feelings of trauma. A trigger can result in an unintentional mental, emotional or physical reaction.
It could be something you smell in the air. Perhaps that smell of dampness in these late August mornings. You can’t quite place it, but you know the smell of that heavier air is making your spine tense. Ugh.
It could be something you see. The changing colours of the leaves. You’re reminded of an experience in earlier years that was awful for you. Perhaps something you never shared. When the leaves change though, that sight triggers something in you. You don’t like that feeling.
It could be something you hear like birds chirping, ambulance sirens or more horns honking as traffic picks up in the Fall. You know the news (or social media!) will be riddled with more negative headlines. You notice a heaviness in your chest when you think about it.
Maybe the thought of a school bell in the distance triggers you. You had a negative or traumatic experience at school when you were young and now even the thought of hearing a school bell causes you to wince a little. Sometimes it overwhelms you.
You are sure that your reactions are ridiculous. That Fall smell is just a seasonal change. The leaves are beautiful as they change colour. Birds are the sweetest little creatures. And traffic? Well, you chose to live in an urban area.
You don’t feel you can really share your thoughts and feelings (or reactions) to these triggers, because you think others would chuckle and confirm the ridiculousness. So you stuff them down. You ignore them. You try to talk yourself out of thinking and feeling them. Actually, you’re a bit confused by them yourself.
I want to tell you that triggers aren’t ridiculous. Triggers are very real, very personal, and very difficult. Triggers are involuntary – you do not choose to be triggered. Something from your past is causing you to experience that flashback, or that feeling you get just before you get short of breath - is that a panic attack?
Did you witness or were you involved in a natural disaster? (…we have all taken a front row seat to this over these last two years!)
Were you abused in any way by someone you knew or did not know?
Did you lose someone (a person or a pet)?
Perhaps your family moved you away from everything you had known your entire life.
Your brain was alarmed during these events. It stored this alarm and has not had the opportunity to process it. But, it may not recognize the incident (or trauma) as being in the past, though. So that sound of sweet birds chirping? Your brain is recognizing that noise as bad or threatening because you heard that sound during your traumatic event. Yet, you may not even be able to actively recall that.
Explained another (more positive) way…sometimes I will see a very particular flower. It is rare because it doesn’t grow in these parts. The moment I see it though, I am flooded with beautiful memories of my grandmother. I am immediately brought to remembering her – her curly grey hair, gentlest of personalities, the smell of that perfume she wore. These memories come to mind instantly and effortlessly. I don’t search for them. My brain connects them. My flower-grandmother memories are on one side of the continuum and on the other are these uncomfortable, triggering emotions and physical feelings.
How do you live with triggers but not let them control you?
Identifying things that trigger you is the first part. When you create an awareness, you can begin to feel more in control. This is helpful for times when you may unavoidably or unintentionally find yourself in a triggering moment or place.
Relaxation techniques can be helpful as you begin to cultivate an awareness around triggers and slowly begin to process them. That may sound a little fluffy but scientifically these techniques show to be helpful! Breathing practices, for example, help to regulate your body. When you place a focus on breathing, your mind and body can only focus on that one, rhythmic activity.
I have two favourite breathing techniques:
Box breathing: Breathe in for the count of five. Hold your breath for the count of five. Breathe out for the count of five. Hold that for the count of five. You can visualize it as working around a box (up, across, down, across) each time for a five-count. If you need to adapt the length of time, you can. Do this several times or for a couple of minutes. Just try to create a rhythm. Notice how you feel (your emotions and in your body) before you start and at the end. Explore what’s happening in your body.
Another technique is a buzzing (or bumble bee) breath. Breathe in and fill your lungs, and then slowly let your breath out while you hum. It sounds a little odd, but breathe out while humming (like a bee) until you can fully exhale. Do this several times or for a couple of minutes. It is quite a mindful practice and can help relax your body and mind. Again, take note of how you feel before and after.
As mentioned, trained counsellors can help you process this. One of my favourite ways to help people process trauma is through somatic therapy - which has become more prevalent in healing triggers from trauma. A simple way of thinking about somatic therapy is that it puts focus attention on your body. Your mind stores information from your trauma and your body does, too. Your body is a mystery – it holds so much experience and much of it, you may be unaware of. Identifying and recognizing what you are physically feeling is a big component in the process of healing trauma. Curiously, long time physical pains (stomach pains, neck or back aches for example) can be healed through somatic awareness.
If you’re beginning to recognize (or maybe you’ve noticed for years) that you have some unprocessed trauma, that you’re triggered at certain times, or that you seem to miss out on joy or happiness, I’d love to connect with you. Maybe the Fall can become a season you look forward to – even just a little. Curiosity is a beautiful approach to begin exploring what could be causing your struggles. You can heal well and heal best in the context of a relationship – I invite you to reach out!
