Self-Regulation Tips for Teens

You’re sitting in class, or at your computer, waiting for the teacher to begin the lesson. You forgot to complete the assignment that was due today because you felt tired for “no real reason”. Or you tried looking at it, but then nothing made sense, so you closed your computer. 

You know that you will have to try and explain to your parents or teacher (or both!) of why you can’t “just do it”. 

You feel a building sense of pressure in your chest and tightness in your throat, heavy with inability to complete something that seems so easy for others. Now you’re mad at yourself for not being able to push through, to just get it done…

to be able to sit and focus like you were before…

Stop…take a deep breath…and just focus on the air filling your body and then let it out…

Hear me when I say that this is not a unique situation and you are not alone...
You are not alone in your tiredness, in your frustration, or in your feelings of not being able to start or finish something. It can be overwhelming to feel all the feels and not know what to do or where to start. 

Start here…

breathe in deep…

breathe out slow…

notice what happens in your body as this happens. 

Repeat…

breathe in…

breathe out…

not forcing change but simply notice what is happening. 

Repeat.

What do you notice? Any sensation that you became aware of? Any area of the body you feel tightening or loosening? Any new thoughts came to you? Anything new or surprising coming up? Let that happen and don’t try and force change, but instead notice the change and how the body feels.

If you are struggling with finding feeling words, try thinking of a picture or image that can help you put meaning to how you are feeling right now, in this moment. Notice how that picture/image feels...like it totally fits and doesn’t need any explaining beyond the image. Hold on to that as a way to remind yourself of these feelings, and as a way back to the moment in the future.

A lot of us are struggling right now; teens, adults, parents, and children. On top of all the challenging feelings, there are a lot of differences between what you know you can accomplish and what you are currently getting done, resulting in even more guilt that “I know others have it worse. I shouldn’t feel this way.”

But you do. So instead of trying to shame your way out of feelings (which probably will just make it worse), feel those feelings, and accept that your best RIGHT NOW will look different than your best last year, and guess what… 

THAT'S OKAY! You are surviving massive amounts of change and uncertainty, and I am here to tell you that I hear how you are feeling, and want to say that it is not bad to feel certain emotions. Feelings are messages the body tells us and we need to listen to them to see what they want so we can start self regulation.

Self-regulation is big therapy talk for simply being able to control your behaviors, thoughts and/or emotions.

“Control” is a tricky word because it sounds like whatever you chose you want to happen, will happen. An example could be “I’m sad and want to be happy” and if this doesn’t happen, then how in control am I? I see it more of being a map and using self-regulation as direction to move towards a feeling, thought or behavior. If we are sad and want to be happy, then we can use self-regulation as an awareness tool to know what we are feeling and the road we need to take to get there. A big part of self-regulation is being able to acknowledge what you are currently feeling and accepting it without reason or justification.

Once you can do that for yourself, here are some more ideas of helpful self-regulation tools that will help expand your ability to cope with your feelings a little bit more each time you try one of these out.

1) BREATHE

Like I said before, deep breath in… slow breath out. By slowing your breath down and being intentional with your breathing, you can decrease the spinning out and allow your brain to focus on a task that you normally do automatically. Having a hard time slowing down your breathing? That’s okay. Imagine trying to whistle quietly (or loudly if you want), or bring out your inner child and find some bubbles at the dollar store and blow bubbles for five minutes or so.

2) WALK

Besides filling your lungs with fresh air (which I highly encourage), walking helps the two parts of your brain (right and left) to talk to each other better that will help process emotional challenging situations, and decrease worry. Walking is also a low impact physical activity that lowers your heart rate which can help ease your anxiety. A 30-minute walk is normally suggested, but even a 10-minute walk or a quick walk break during class can help.

3) ICE 

Besides being a magical element associated with a Disney Queen, ice has magical properties for helping with self-regulation. Once you begin to notice yourself becoming agitated or like your emotions are beginning to spin out of control, grab some ice and either hold it in your hands or rub it on the surface on your face. This will begin to lower your heart rate and help release endorphins.. These endorphins are the feel-good hormones in your brain. The reason why I suggest rubbing ice on the face is that there are a ton of surface veins on the face, making the effect of the ice quicker. 

4) SOCIAL MEDIA TIME OUT

Now, wait, and hear me out! As teenagers, and any human with a phone, we are constantly being fed content from people that only put their highlights on social media. It can feel overwhelming to view content from content creators, compare ourselves to others, and try to feel connected in a disconnected world. Just STOP for a moment…put your phone down and just stop. Put your timer on your phone for at least 10-minutes, place the phone down, and take a break. You do not owe anyone an immediate answer during that time; just take a break from the scrolling and let your body and mind calm the *bleep* down.

Final words of wisdom as I finish are this … we are all humans going through some pretty deep shit right now and we might be in survival mode rather than thriving. This is hard … and being able to give each other and YOURSELF a bit of compassion will help out far more in the long run. Try to connect with loved ones and check-in with yourself on how you are feeling. Know that all your feelings are messages from your brain trying to tell you things and that by taking the time to sit and listen to these messages, you will begin to understand what you need and how you can move forward, one step at a time. 

Janelle Traber is a counsellor here at Panorama Wellness Group who works with clients of all ages who want to gain greater self-awareness but specializes in working with children, youths, and young adults. She is inspired by individuals who seek to gain additional perspective and are wanting help navigating this thing called life. She is rooted in being able to come alongside you when experiencing difficult emotions, supporting you as you develop a greater understanding of yourself, and encouraging a larger capacity for self-compassion.