Here's the part that matters most for you specifically: you're likely getting the most unfiltered version of this, not because you're doing something wrong, but because you're the person she feels safest with.

The process of affair recovery can be an emotional roller coaster including feelings of betrayal, confusion, guilt, shame, anger, grief and sadness. It is possible that both partners desire to repair the relationship. Here are some steps to take.

I’m going to make the guess that you ultimately want to remain connected to your partner. That you don’t want to ever feel alone or forsaken by your partner, even during a fight. That you want to be partners and friends - not adversaries.