Navigating Affair Recovery

Infidelity can leave couple shattered into pieces leaving a path of emotional wreckage. It is the unimaginable sequence of events that leave couples grappling with the aftermath of the affair. It is important whether you’re the betrayed or the one who strayed, healing, repairing, rebuilding trust and re-connecting requires an immense amount of courage and commitment.

The process of affair recovery can be an emotional roller coaster including feelings of betrayal, confusion, guilt, shame, anger, grief and sadness.  It is possible that both partners desire to repair the relationship. Some questions you may be asking each other or yourself are, can we recover our relationship? Can I trust my partner again? How do we rebuild our relationship. The answers to these questions are different for everyone and the process can be different depending on many factors including but no limited the following:

Level of commitment together as well as individually

After an affair, both partners will require healing by processing feelings, identifying how to accept and work toward any underlying issues - both individually and as a couple. It is fundamental for both to feel a sense of safety, by committing to each other through out the healing process can assist for each to open up more to each other.

Open communication is essential.

This may be complex at first depending on the emotional distance and previous escalated conflict.   However, the betrayed partner may have many questions and will require the betrayal partner to openly answer.  Communicating willingly about feelings and needs will require both individuals to actively listen and be mindful of what the other is saying.

Current coping skills

Building resilience and developing different ways to cope with the aftermath of an affair will require strength and willingness to try new techniques such as union meetings, building the emotional bank account and expressing feelings more frequently.

Transparency

The unfaithful partner will need to be honest and open about the affair. This can be hard as feelings of shame, guilt and hurt for their partner can make this difficult. This requires both partners to provide support and a safe place for each to express their vulnerabilities.

Professional support

Healing, rebuilding a relationship and trust take time. There will be set backs, at times you may be feel there is no hope but consistent effort and a strong commitment and readiness to work through the pain and hurt, your relationship can emerge into the relationship you both desire.

Navigating affair recovery can be successful in your relationship…however isn’t always guaranteed and it’s not for everyone. Considerable time in relation to an honest conversation with each other about the possibility of rebuilding the relationship is a start. Some questions you may ask yourself and each other to initiate this conversation are:

·      Is the unfaithful partner genuinely remorseful?

·      Is the betrayed partner open to forgiveness and have the ability to accept what has happened?

·      Is there a significant level of commitment by both the betrayed and the unfaithful partner?

·      Are both partners willing to be open and express underlying issues to repair the relationship?

Maybe the answer to these questions is “no” and reconciliation isn’t the right path for your relationship.  Fortunately, there is still hope and healing is still possible.  How? Individual and couples counselling can help navigate the process of separation and parting ways. Separation can also be an emotional storm. It is important to re-create your stories, heal and move toward new relationship goals either individually or with someone new. Or maybe there are children involved in your family, therapy can assist in learning how to co-parent effectively and with kindness despite the hurt you have both experienced.

Remember, infidelity is a painful experience, but you don’t have to go through it alone. If you’re trying to navigate an affair in order heal and move forward with whatever path you choose professional support can assist with the struggle. I am passionate about helping couples navigate and repair their relationship after an affair and provide virtual couples counselling through Panorama Wellness. You can learn more about me by visiting www.panoramawellness.ca/angela-davison