Communication is Important Within Your Family
Communication is so much more than just exchange of information. It is an imperative tool with which we think, express ourselves, influence, and build relationships. During my childhood, whenever we had guests or extended family over, the adults would at times ask us children to go and play in another room so that the adults could have their private conversations, not meant for our young ears. It would always make me curious as to what they were talking about and I felt left out. As most kids do, I would fantasize about growing up quickly so that I could be a part of such conversations and give my ‘expert advice’ too. The need to be more autonomous and be accepted and respected as adults exists in us since youth.
Eventually, I did get the opportunity to equally participate and share my opinions in domestic matters. Since I was training to become a counsellor, my family valued and respected my feedbacks and recommendations. Knowing that I could positively contribute in family issues via just communication made me feel proud of myself and cemented my confidence as a responsible young adult. Needless to say, I am grateful to my family for presenting me with those opportunities.
Irrespective of the socio-economic and cultural differences that shape our upbringing and family dynamics, each individual in the family unit is significant. There are not only internal expectations and pressures that a person faces within the family but also external ones, as families do not exist in a vacuum and form a part of the larger social fabric. A lot of families that I get to work with have varied backgrounds and circumstances. But something I focus on often is that each person is unique and can positively contribute towards healthy communication and relationships to ensure the overall well-being of the family. So, here are a few ways we all can facilitate and improve our communication within our homes so that all individuals can discuss and share more freely as well as feel heard and accepted for who they are:
Create Opportunities: This is the most important step towards improving communication. We might at times unknowingly take our family members for granted. The key here is to negotiate egos and making sure everyone feels included. As adults, we might feel that we know best, especially when it comes to deciding how we spend our time and with whom. But no matter how good your communication skills, you can only implement them when you are presented with the time and place to do that. Families who struggle with communication tend to often struggle to take the time or recognise the most apt timing for having conversations, even more so if the matters are difficult or sensitive in nature.
In addition, opportunities for communication are not only about time durations, but they also entail the environment or space where you decide to talk.
Also, ensure that all participants are paying attention and not distracted with any extraneous variables during family talks. Like being glued to their phones, which is an unfortunate reality of our present times.
Acknowledge and Validate: After the first step is taken care of, the next is to acknowledge what is being said. As a participant of the family discussion, practice active listening and try to understand the perspective of others with an open mind.
Some family members can tend to be more reserved or defensive during conversations that are confrontational or emotionally negative. But that is perfectly okay. Everyone responds differently to different situations and is compelled by the urge to clarify their intentions. In such cases, start by first validating what they say – their emotions and thoughts on the subject. You can start by saying things like, “I see why you feel this way…” or “I understand that it was hard for you to…”.
Treating each other equally and respectfully, no matter what the hierarchy of the family is also essential. As mature adults, we need to maintain these basic courtesies in order to be able to communicate in a wholesome manner.
Adjusting the Interaction Style: Being aware of how others prefer to receive communication is also important to understand. Remember that communication is a two-way process. You need to work with the various characteristics and personalities of your loved ones accordingly and explore what works best for them.
Avoid using a stern tone with anyone, even if is for your adult child. You can express your dissatisfaction or disapproval while being mindful of both your tonality and volume.
If you wish to work on your interaction style, you can easily practice for it by standing in front of a mirror and observing your own body language and facial expressions. Working on your non-verbal skills like gestures, posture, eye contact, and touch will definitely help get your actual concern and intent across to others better. Record your practice sessions to see how congruent are your body language and facial expressions in regards with what you are attempting to put across. Body language is an important aspect of communication and at times has a greater impact than even words.
As a mental health professional, I cannot stress enough on the need to spend quality time with family. Especially now, as we all try to overcome the social restrictions that were imposed on us in the recent past. Challenges of the post-pandemic world today include high inflation, professional obstacles like unemployment or anxiety around rejoining workspaces, and these often leave us feeling lonely, depressed, and exhausted. So, what better time than now to upgrade your communication skills and develop loving, trust-worthy relationships that you can always count on.
If you would like support in learning how to change communication style with your family, I am available in Langley and Surrey, and can work with you individually or with your family as a whole. I would be honoured to help you improve the relationships in your family.
