Mother’s Day Reflection - Kimberlee Bateman
Moving into this year’s celebration of Mother’s Day I find myself surprised at how at my age I still need the affection and nurture that my mom offers. You may feel the same way when you are faced with life’s inevitable twists and turns. Or maybe when you think of a mother’s love all you feel is a pang in your heart from not ever experiencing this in your own life. It could also be true that your mom is no longer a part of your life either through death or separation and her warm embrace feels like a distant memory. Mother’s Day is complicated for many, and you may notice an obligation of how you are “supposed” to feel. This pressure to celebrate motherhood as though it were a Hallmark movie misses the depth of experience that most people have regarding it.
As I wandered through the stores looking for an appropriate token to capture the appreciation and love I have for my mom, nothing seemed to fit. I have mixed feelings because although I deeply love my mom, I also know our relationship has been complicated and hard won through tough conversations and many tears. The cheery, flowery sentiments blaring throughout all the places I looked seem superficial or disingenuous. I wondered if my kids feel the same way when this day comes around. I am very fortunate to be both a daughter and a mother and this dual role gives me insight into how difficult motherhood is.
No one ever talks about the depth of pain a mother feels when their child suffers. Your instincts to protect and ease their pain is instantaneous and powerful. This instinct does not go away when your child grows up which I recently saw firsthand from my mom. As I walk through current life circumstances my mom goes into “advice mode”. She has an answer for every complaint or concern and sometimes this can be frustrating because I know I am capable of solving my own problems. Her longing to ease my pain overrides logic and her instinct takes over.
You may have faced this with your mom or maybe this is what happens when your child is struggling. What I found to be helpful on both sides of this relationship is to pause, be aware of my own response internally, and then ask myself am I trying to ease my own discomfort? What am I needing right now? Sometimes just specifically letting your mom know that you are only looking for comfort and not advice helps to guide her instincts more productively. Alternatively, asking your child “do you want comfort or advice?” empowers them and honours your desire to support.
Mother’s Day is complicated and the emotions that flow in this relationship can be difficult to navigate. If you would like support with this please reach out to me or another counsellor here at Panorama Wellness.
