Mother’s Day Reflection - Ashleigh Keizer

Mother’s Day brings with it such a mixture of emotions, thoughts, expectations and perhaps even triggering memories. You might notice you feel light and tingly excitement – maybe you’re even anticipating your first Mother’s Day. (If so – congratulations!!) There may be a part of you that cringes a little. You’d like the day to pass without a word, without a social media reminder, without interaction with others.

For years, Mother’s Day was one I would anticipate as full of hand painted art, small pots holding seeds planted by a preschooler, or maybe even a dandelion bouquet. Reflecting, these seem like typical Mother’s Day experiences.

And they were.

And I was remiss to deeply understand the privilege it is to behold such things.

In our home, I have always been most commonly known as “Mama” (as opposed to Mommy, Mum, or Mooooooom!). The name has many origins. There are many stories and reasons for this particular one. It was birthed with my eldest child who refused to say Mommy and giggled when he said Mama. But the story I hold most dear is how “Mama” was solidified by our youngest.

Vulnerably, over the last thirteen years this particular day has taken a different shape. Our youngest came to our family through international adoption. It’s a beautiful, delicate, heart-wrenching story and one that reminds me daily, of the deep privilege of motherhood. Equally, I am reminded of the depth of loss this day holds for many. For my life, the loss experienced by another woman – allowing me to become Mama to this child - is overwhelming some days. For me to receive this gift, another woman lost deeply. She made an immeasurably difficult decision.

Interestingly, the day before Mother’s Day is known as Birth Mother’s Day. And so, hesitantly, I anticipate our beauty from these ashes. A miracle from deep sacrifice. One day does not happen without the other.

While I hold the joy of being a mother, I sit in the sorrow each year of how so many – perhaps even you – may not. I believe it is deeply important to acknowledge that motherhood is not always full of the joy we once anticipated. I believe it is deeply important to validate that you may have suffered, your experience may have left you feeling alone. You may have suffered miscarriage(s), infertility, you may have a rainbow baby.

There is also deep value in recognizing that if you are a mother and one who anticipates being celebrated by your small humans, you can do that with an open heart. Please experience the joy, the gratitude and the immense privilege (and challenge!) that is motherhood. You can extend heartfelt care for others who are not in the same season as you, while also holding the capacity to soak in your moment. There is space for both.