How can I help my child with their aggressive behaviours?

Aggression is defined as an act or threat to act with the intent of damaging another person physically or psychologically. Aggression among youth and children is a serious social issue. Children and adolescents who engage in aggressive behaviour may damage not just themselves, but also their families, communities, and society.

Aggression in children can be produced by a range of factors, and understanding these causes can help caregivers and educators manage and prevent violent behaviour. As a parent, you may be wondering how you can help your child manage their aggressive behaviours. In this article, I want to help you understand why children use aggression; how you can help prevent aggression in your child; and how to manage it when it happens.

Here are the six most common causes of child aggression:

1. Emotional Confusion: Many children encounter challenges in discerning between distinct emotions and feelings. When these emotions intensify, some may express them through anger. For example, consider a scenario where a child reacts to their hunger by displaying aggressive behaviour.

2. Communication Issues: Children may become irritated as a result of this difficulty. They may become aggressive if they are unable to convey their desires or feelings. A child who is unable to request a toy, for example, may push another child away to indicate their desire.

3. Mimicking Behaviour: Children learn behaviours from their surroundings, including family, friends, and television. They may imitate aggressive or violent behaviour as they explore the environment.

4. Lack of Social Skills: Children who haven't yet developed adequate social skills like sharing, taking turns, or resolving conflicts might resort to aggression when faced with situations that challenge their abilities to interact positively with others.

5. Feeling Threatened or Fearful: When children perceive a threat to their physical or mental well-being, they may become aggressive. This could be a reaction to bullying, feeling trapped, or dealing with problems they don't know how to deal with.

6. Attention-Seeking: Some youngsters may resort to aggressive behaviour to get attention, even if it is negative attention. If they notice that acting out makes adults pay more attention to them, they may continue to do so.

Considering the negative effects of violence on children and teenagers, it seems that the best way to reduce and prevent aggression in aggressive children is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Here are 6 ways that you can work to prevent aggressive behaviour in your child.

1. Positive Role Modeling: Children often learn behaviour from their surroundings. Display appropriate ways of dealing with frustration and conflict, and they are likely to imitate these behaviours.

2. Clear Communication: Encourage open dialogue with your child. Teach them to express their feelings and thoughts verbally instead of resorting to aggression. 

3. Teach Empathy: Help your child understand the feelings of others by discussing different perspectives and emotions. This can reduce their inclination towards aggression.

4. Set Firm Boundaries: Establish consistent rules and consequences for aggressive behaviour. Clear expectations can help children understand what is acceptable and what isn't.

5. Teach Problem-Solving: Equip children with problem-solving skills to manage conflicts. Encourage them to brainstorm solutions and alternatives in challenging situations.

6. Provide Emotional Support: Create a safe space for your child to express their emotions without fear of judgment. Emotional support can help prevent built-up frustration leading to aggressive outbursts.

Preventing aggression in kids early is best, but knowing how to manage it is important too. Handling your child’s aggression creates a safe, balanced environment, helping them develop good social skills and emotional health. It can help bring peace to them and your home, and teach them how to build healthy relationships. Here are six ways to help your child manage their aggression:

1. Stay Calm:  when you see aggression. Your cool attitude can stop things from getting worse. For instance, if a kid is yelling, staying calm might help them calm down too.

2. Offer Space: If a kid is really upset, give them space. It can avoid more arguments. For example, if they're mad about something, giving them time alone might help them feel better.

3. Acknowledge Feelings: Listen to your child's feelings and validate their emotions. This demonstrates empathy and can help them feel understood.

4. Teach Conflict Resolution: Help the child talk calmly about their feelings. Show them how to solve problems without fighting. For instance, if they're upset about sharing a toy, teach them to talk and find a solution without getting angry.

5. Use Time-Out Wisely: Time-outs can be effective if used correctly. Explain why the time-out is being given and use it as an opportunity for both the child and you to cool down. Connect with your child after the time-out and provide space for them to share their emotions in a calm way.

6. Provide Alternative Outlets: Introduce alternative ways for the child to channel their anger and frustration, such as physical activities, art, or writing in a journal.

Even though the ways mentioned can help with your child’s anger within your home, it's a good idea to consider getting help from a counsellor. They can dig into why the anger happens and how to deal with it. In counselling, I look closely at what causes the angry behaviour while also providing healthy coping tools that work for your child. It's not just about fixing what's happening now – I also work to make sure other negative behaviours happen less often.  As I work with your child to give them coping tools, they can learn how to understand what is going on for them, and how to manage their emotions on their own, setting them up for healthy adolescence and adulthood.