Grandparents Day Reflections - Mridul Jagota
To be honest, I have never believed in the ideology of celebrating or remembering relationships only once a year, on certain designated days. In spite of not being one to take cognizance of such occasions, this Grandparents Day is different. It is unique for it marks the milestone in my life from where I have to now carry on without both my maternal grandparents, both of whom I was close to. I very recently lost my maternal grandfather, whom I called lovingly as “Nanu”, and am still coming to terms with the finality of it all presently.
I have been fortunate to have had all four grandparents around during my childhood years in India. But I was always closer to my maternal grandparents than paternal ones, and a lot of my memories of them are related to our family visits to their home during my summer vacations. This annual affair was a time of sheer family fun and spent connecting with and learning from them.
My maternal grandmother, whom I affectionately called “Nani”, was an extremely beautiful, bold woman with cat-like, yellowish eyes and a big, compassionate heart. She was ahead of her times in many ways as she worked as a music teacher for many years to support her husband’s income back in the day in India, when women where not expected or encouraged to earn or pursue careers. She was a great mother, wife, in addition to being an excellent chef, hostess, and classically trained singer. Food was her love language, she enjoyed cooking for everyone and ensured that nobody left the house with an empty stomach. She had so much empathy, grace, and wisdom. Her garden was always thriving with herbs, flowers, and vegetables, and any road trip or family holiday we would go on would result in her getting more cuttings and saplings to add to her collection. Married young, when she was just 18, she and Nanu had an age gap of 10 years. But irrespective of that, she managed every role and responsibility in life so well, especially that of being a doting granny.
My Nanu was a decorated war veteran (having fought three wars) and a true soldier at heart. His love and loyalty for his country and all its people was equally matched by his love and dedication towards his family and friends. A man of discipline and progressive mindset, he did not believe in divisions that often plague society in ways of gender, community, caste, or religion. An aviator in the Indian army, he survived a plane crash when he was just in his late twenties. For me he is the epitome of bravery, courage, and strength. Even after retirement, he enjoyed an active lifestyle and enjoyed taking care of odd jobs around the house and its upkeep. He was not only a caring and generous grandpa but also a magnanimous and warm great grandfather to my daughter, Aaruhi.
I lost my Nani in March, 2019 and Nanu in August 2023. Living abroad and being away from my family when I lost them both was hard. I could never pay my final respects or say my last goodbye to either of them. I guess that is my reality to process. The void that they have left behind shall always remain. Both my grandparents had their own strength and weaknesses, but together they were perfect. My associations of visits to their house are of complete relaxation, joy, and pampering with unlimited hugs, love and delicious food. Their simple living and high thinking way of life continues to inspire me. They were my biggest cheerleaders and my source of unconditional love and support. I recall how before my exams they would reassure me by calling me intelligent and hard-working and thus, help me tame my anxiety. I do not know where I would be today had they not at times comforted me and said that everything will be fine.
What lovely and wonderful being grandparents can be... and I feel so very lucky indeed to have had such a beautiful relationship with them both. I am aware that not everyone might be close to their grandparents or have positive associations or memories of them. In a world as diverse as ours, the concept and perspective towards what constitutes a family also differ. But often grandparents can provide such a solid foundation for the family as a whole and contribute in ways of life experiences and wisdom. As often seen in South Asian cultures (to which I belong), the elders are treated with a certain reverence. But with increasingly ageist and selfish attitudes, it is sad to witness senior citizens being abandoned by their families or be dumped in old age shelters. I for one am grateful that I got to spend so much of my life with Nanu and Nani. I hope I can do justice with the rich legacy of theirs through my life – their legacy of love, courage, kindness, and all that represents the very best of humanity.
