Grandparents Day Reflection - Ashleigh Keizer

Perhaps you are a truly amazing superhuman who makes note of and celebrates all of the important “National” days. There’s a National Pancake Day, National Doughnut Day (my kids’ favourite), National Back to School Prep Day (who knew?!) and of course the sometimes sombre and very honourable days like National Day for Truth and Reconciliation and so forth. If you’re like me, maybe you don’t make note of, or do a very amazing job celebrating the crazy days that mean sugar for supper. And, you try your best to honour the deep seeded tragedy and loss that we seek to never repeat.

If I’m being very honest, until recently I couldn’t even have told you what month Grandparent’s Day even fell in. You may be shaking your head in agreement or, wondering how a granddaughter, and a parent of grandchildren could overlook such a day. When I initially learned of it, I wondered whether we really needed another occasion to pause and honour. Yet, as I continued to seek this posture of curiosity, I sat with Grandparent’s Day a little.

As I reflect, I wonder whether my reaction was because in our home we speak often of grandparents. We honour them, almost in micro doses. We speak of how fortunate we are to have them close by – we recently moved provinces for this. We value their presence and influence so deeply! We talk about how different our beliefs are from theirs. And, how that is a welcome thing. I like to think my children learn from them.

As I reflect, I can think of numerous lessons my children have learned from their grandparents. When they were young and this exhausted Mama needed a break, my eldest learned his little legs could make the biggest splashes in those huge afternoon Spring puddles – with his Nana.

As they’ve grown up, my boys learned to catch salmon. They have learned that (very) often, the salmon don’t bite! They’ve learned that patience is a true requirement of the fisherman. They’ve also learned that hours trolling for these salmon is not time wasted. This is time spent listening audibly to the stories shared by their grandfather of his younger days. “There was this one time when I was a teen…” is a beautiful start to any grandparent story! These stories seem silly, but I know they leave small imprints in my children’s minds. These stories are a part of their story.

When I think of my own grandparents, memories come like flashes. They are more implicit – unconscious, automatic, often unexpected:

When I see hydrangeas my maternal grandmother (the sweetest woman to walk the earth) is with me in an instant. I notice feelings of peace and calm wash over my body because that’s who and what she was: peace and calm. Now, I grow these flowers in my yard. This is grounding for me and I spend hours in that space, nurturing these plants. I feel closer to her. Life feels simpler when she’s near me. I feel her wisdom, her courage, her gentle but tough survivor spirit close.

When I see poppies growing or pinned on shirts through November, I’m taken back to the stories of my grandparents’ happenstance meeting while both serving in the army overseas. Then, without pause, the story of their marriage, family, life. I am humbled by what they overcame and the life they built together.

I make “Granny’s Cookies” often – at my family’s request. Because who doesn’t love an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie!!? And without a second thought, the smell as they come out of the oven takes me back to my Granny’s. It is my deepest honour to be known by my teens’ friends as “the Mum who bakes the best cookies”. I somehow feel closer to my grandmother in those moments. Honoured.

These are some of the heartwarming memories I hold. There are others that are not so.

I am also so deeply aware that many of you have stories of hurt, misunderstanding, loss, or division. There are some of you who have struggled in these relationships. I think it’s important to notice this, to acknowledge these experiences and these feelings. Perhaps you can give space for grief, sadness, anger. If this is you, I am sorry your experience may have been a difficult one. Some of these stories, shared in a safe space can bring healing – if this is something you are ready for.

These people. Grandparents. They are part of the family lineage. Today, if you are able, and if it feels safe and right for you to do so, I invite you to spend a moment honouring them…in whatever feels authentic to you.