Father’s Day Reflections - Lisa Catallo

As I reflect on Father’s Day I notice a number of things.  It doesn’t bring up as much “charge” as Mother’s Day does for me, but there are definitely some emotions around it.

I grew up as “daddy’s girl”.  My dad and I are quite similar in personality, and I always felt loved and valued by him.  I remember him taking me on dates when I was a teenager, so that I would know how a guy should treat me.  He sat with me and laid out characteristics that I should look for in a husband. 

My dad is a teaser and has a nickname for everyone, including me (and no, I won’t tell you what it is).  My dad is someone who knows how to connect with anyone and everyone, and will take the time to do so, even if we’re wall waiting to leave the restaurant. 

And my dad now has Parkinson’s, which has progressed quite quickly this year.  So he’s not exactly who I grew up with.  It’s been a time of transition for all of us, and I’ve watched him go through his own grieving process about the changes he’s facing.  As my parents move into a retirement home, my role is changing from daughter to somewhat of a caregiver, and that’s weird to navigate!

Throughout our lives, we have definitely had our challenges, but all in all, I am very proud to say that Don is my dad.

I have also been able to witness other dads in my life.  My brother is such a great dad!  He coached my son’s soccer team when he was younger, and then when he had his own kids, spent the last 12 years coaching them.  He has a great sense of humor, and an ease in his relationship with his kids.

I’ve also watched my ex-husband and my current husband navigate parenting from a bit of a distance and also taking on step-parenting roles.  These are not easy things to do as a father.  And while they each have had struggles unique to them, at the core of them I see that they love their children in their own way.  For me their parenting role brings up my own emotions, both positive and difficult.  It hasn’t always been easy, but I do want the best for both of them in their relationships with their kids.

I also, now, get to watch my son-in-law be a dad to my grandson.  Let me tell you, there is nobody that I am more proud of as a new dad, than Evan!

As I reflect on Father’s Day, I think that I would describe fatherhood as a lot more than just being a participant in the creation of a child.  To me a good dad:

-       Shows up for his kids to the best of his ability

-       Supports the mother of his children so that they know how to respect and love her

-       Has his own relationship with his kids, and doesn’t rely on the mother to make that happen

-       Finds ways to cheer on and encourage his children so that they know they have him in their corner

-       Admits his mistakes, asks for forgiveness, and moves on

Not all dads do this perfectly, but neither do all moms.  My hope is that if you are a dad, you are trying your hardest to do the things above and more.  If you parent alongside a man in a father role, my hope is that you are supporting him, encouraging him, and some times teaching him how to be there for his kids.