How to help your child get back to routine
Here you are! You are back to that alarm-setting, lunch-packing, routine-following moment. You have anticipated this for a little while now, and you are ready for some structure in your days. What’s more, while they won’t admit it, your child needs some routine after a couple months of relaxed days of camping, sprinklers and outdoor play, friends, late nights and sleep ins.
While you’re looking forward to this change in season, you know that as with most change, your kiddo will struggle. They over-think, worry, lose sleep, and struggle to handle the thought of the unknowns, in addition to the expectations they do know about. Meltdowns are definitely a part of your near future. Homework, earlier bedtimes and wakeups, less friend hang-out time, maybe a school bus or even cold cut sandwiches every.single.day are all cause for frustration.
The days leading up to, and the first several days or even weeks of the Fall can be a challenge, for sure! Yet, I wonder if you can reframe this anticipation a little, and make it a somewhat less dreaded experience. What is reframing?
Reframing is simply looking at something in a new light.
Reframing is when you put a positive spin on a negatively anticipated event.
Reframing can be a stress reliever.
While you might cringe in anticipation at the push back or the meltdowns your child is having (causing you anxiety too!), I wonder if you could put a twist on the situation? This might help you and your kiddo. I’ll share a few scenarios I’ve experienced both personally and professionally. Perhaps they’ll spark some brainstorming for you and your family, and help your child get back to routine again.
Perhaps your child loves quality time. They have spent at least a portion, if not every day with you this summer and when you talk about school, they turn into a puddle on the floor.
If your child loves this time together, it likely means you make them feel safe and this is how they get their bucket filled: time with mom, dad and/or siblings. Their meltdowns could mean they fear losing this time completely. Creating a quality-time schedule - printing it off, writing it down on a piece of paper - and placing it somewhere visible for everyone might be comforting for them. They will know, and they will know that you know that this is a blocked timeframe when they have you all to themselves. If you schedule bedtime stories each night, write down the timeframe during which that will happen (helping avoid pushback or that dreaded “lights out” negotiation).
Alternatively, after school snack time might be best for them. In a recent blog on connecting with your child, I shared that when they are eating, a child can’t flip their lid. This means, they can’t become fully dysregulated while they are simultaneously eating. So, grab their favourite snack (maybe something that reminds them of summer!) and let them debrief about their day with you. Make lots of eye contact!
Your child’s favourite part of summer is camps. They love attending gymnastics, forest, soccer, (etc) camps!
Find out why they love camps so much. Was it the friend-factor? The specific activity? Their leader? Together, make time to look through local retreats (at camps), sports clinics, weekend or after school options. If you can, bring some of these up on a website. Even looking at pictures to reminisce and talk about their experience and associated feelings will help your child process their emotions. Talk through which school-year camp/activities appeal to them and why. Together, decide which one they might choose. When your child feels like they are part of the process, they will be more invested and excited. If the draw was the friend-factor, see which of their friends might be able to join them.
Your child simply loves the chill, routine-less days of hanging out in jammies, watching shows, playing in the back/front yard and never needing to know the time.
Plan a monthly “No Plans Saturday/Sunday”. This day can be one that imitates those beloved summer days. The goals are to do nothing, not watch the clock, graze on snacks all day, and definitely stay in jammies.
Your child hates packed lunches because they know every lunch bag will have a sandwich (likely without peanut butter), a piece of fruit, and maybe a muffin or some cookies.
Involve your child in the lunch making process. Ask them what their top three lunch picks are. And also make sure to ask them what they don’t want! A thermos is a great way for your child to bring leftovers, Kraft Dinner, noodles or even small slices of pizza. Is there a snack the kids at school always bring but you don’t buy it because it’s basically candy in a wrapper? ...surprise them with it some days! Perhaps they would like to pack their own lunch – this could be very empowering for them. Find out what might make lunch more fun from their perspective.
Sometimes the thought of getting your child back to routine is worse – for them and for you – than the actual getting back to routine, itself. It is a big deal though. Change and adapting to new seasons is hard – even though routine is healthy for everyone. Setting aside intentional time to talk about it and to identify this reality can, in and of itself be very empowering for you and your child. Validating your child’s worries and even sharing some of your own, so they don’t feel alone, is very powerful for them and for your relationship! When they feel connected to you, you might notice a shift in their behaviour.
As a parent to kids who don’t all love getting back to routine, I’ve come to recognize the beauty that a new season can bring. It’s taken years of reframing and identifying how my kids and I can look forward to so much newness. We do all struggle in varying ways (we are human!) but I am noticing some shifts as each one of my kids has identified how to begin positively anticipating getting back to their Fall routine, rather than full out dread it.
If you are struggling or your child is having a hard time, please reach out. Connecting and knowing you (and they) aren’t alone is very powerful. I’d love to help equip you and explore tools to help you and your child experience this new season in a more positive way.
