What is mindfulness?
“Have you heard of mindfulness?” This is a question I’ve asked many of my clients. The most common response has been yes, but that they don’t really know what it is or how to engage in it. I get it! Mindfulness may almost be counterintuitive to what you know and how you live or experience your days. Your to-do list is a mile long every day and you never get it all checked off. How on earth are you going to pause your day to be…mindful?! So what is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is not a magic cure-all pill. Though, I do believe it can be healing to all! Being mindful can deepen your ability to experience better sleep, reduce depressive or anxious struggles, increase self-compassion.
Mindfulness portrays a sense of a gentle, quiet, almost seemingly too simplistic practice that can be beautiful. It can bring calm, relief, contemplation, and awareness and acceptance of the here and now. No dwelling on the past. No anticipation of the future. Of those few descriptors, mindfulness’ greatest components are awareness and acceptance.
When you become aware of the present moment, you remove the focus from the external and enter into this experience of internal curiosity. Remaining in the present moment (which can be oh-so-hard) reduces your body’s tendency to become overwhelmed. You may have become so others- or outward-focused that you know something is not right but have not had the time to grow curious about it. Maybe, being curious about your body is a foreign concept. Mindfulness can awaken awareness not just to the physical goings-on but your emotional and mental processes, too. Here are some physical signs that some of my clients have paid attention to:
Is there a physical pain somewhere?
Are you experiencing tingling or numbness?
Perhaps there is an ache you have noticed but dismiss it, for all the other things that seem to be coming at you in your day-to-day life.
Maybe your heart races or you feel like you want to cry.
You think it’s no big deal…I’ve experienced this before. But it is persistent.
The next step in mindfulness is to accept what is happening – judgement free, where you can begin to allow yourself to truly and simply, be. Judgement disappears in the presence of curiosity. Gentle self-kindness. No right or wrong. You don’t need to relive or harbour the past. You can release yourself from anticipating the future. Releasing yourself from the stress of external factors means you start to notice the external factors and explore what it would be like to accept them, such as:
Feeling overwhelmed at work.
Your kids’ ongoing needs are causing a lot of stress.
You notice a lot of negative thoughts and you wonder if depression is creeping in.
You may be thinking this is one more thing on your to-do list. And yes, it does take some intentional time initially – but eventually, you can become mindful without effort. Scientific research shows it actually changes some of the ways in which your brain works (specifically in the frontal and prefrontal areas) and processes things…in a good way!
Being mindful and aware of what you are feeling allows you to observe and label your thoughts, feelings or physical sensations – without judgement.
When you can step out of judgement (which takes practice and time), you will notice you are more easily able to cultivate self-acceptance: acceptance about your emotions, physical ailments, mental struggles and even about what happened to you. The residual emotions from adverse experiences are natural, but you may have felt shameful about them for a long time. Acknowledging them reduces their power. Accepting them helps you understand yourself better and frees you from their grip.
If you have have coped with adverse or traumatic experiences in the past, you may have stuffed down everything that went with those moments, in an effort to forget. Even considering giving those experiences a moment of your time may be overwhelming. You might feel the judgement others have cast upon you. You might judge yourself. You may be worried about reliving some of the physical pain because you notice an ache in your neck, every time just a thought about it creeps in. Often, avoiding pain leads to deeper distress. This can make it difficult to consider being MORE aware of the physical and emotional overwhelm that you experience.
The tips I’ve shared here are meant to help you find a way to begin to practice mindfulness. If you have experienced a higher level of trauma, or consistent exposure to traumatic events, the thought of sitting with those emotions and thoughts might be overwhelming. I’d like to suggest that in a safe way, in a safe (therapeutic) relationship and in a safe space, mindfulness can be very healing. When you shift your attention to the present and what you are currently experiencing without judging it, you can begin to heal. You may experience a stronger emotional response but being mindful in this moment means allowing yourself to be curious about the feelings you’re your response, not sitting in judgement.
Here are a couple of ways that you might begin to practice mindfulness
My favourite mindfulness component (and an integral one) is that of breathing. It sounds so simple, but do you often notice you have forgotten to breathe? Perhaps you are watching a movie and you are in the middle of the climax. Maybe your kids are stressing you right out. You may have had another blow up with your spouse. It is not uncommon to forget to breathe in these overwhelming moments. Why is breathing so critical and so healing? Well, let’s think about your first experiences of life. You were in the womb. What could your heart and feel? Your mother’s beating heart. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. This rhythm is calming to the unborn child. It is all you heard and felt for the first nine months of your existence. It was safe.Focusing on breathing, breathing even with some strategic rhythm is healing. It helps regulate your body. When you focus on your breath, you can’t focus on anything else. When you place awareness on your breath, your body calms down. You become aware of what is happening inside. You can be present-focused.
Two apps I quite enjoy are called Headspace and Smiling Mind. You might want to check them out!
Headspace offers a holistic approach to mindfulness in that it places some focus on sleep and physical activity. I love the added daily videos and appreciate email reminders.
Smiling Mind is free! It incorporates some key mindfulness practices such as breathing and body scans, and other ways to cultivate this practice. If you’d like to introduce your kids to mindfulness, this app offers programs for a wide age range. Mindfulness might be a wonderful way to connect with your kids.
In the interest of honesty, I will share that perhaps just like you, I used to be very skeptical of a practice like mindfulness. I wondered how simply “being”, focusing on the present, or something like breathing properly could be helpful. Yet, it has become an integral part of both my personal and professional practices. I have supported many clients in their journey to become more mindful, heal from adverse and traumatic experiences, reduce anxiety and depression and cultivate self-compassion through this practice. For some, there is a spiritual component within mindfulness and for others, mindfulness is a practice all on its own. It takes time, grace and lots of practice – even together in sessions – and it is a beautiful way to experience healing and wholeness.
If mindfulness is something you are interested in or curious about, I would love to connect with you and see how we can integrate this practice into your journey.
