What is Adult ADHD?
"It seems like everyone has ADHD these days."
In the last 5 to 10 years, we have learned so much about ADHD and what the symptoms look like that we’re seeing people who were not diagnosed as a child are now being diagnosed in adulthood. I have many clients in their 20s through to 50s who have only just been diagnosed with ADHD. This doesn't mean they didn't face challenges caused by ADHD throughout their life; it's just that the professionals in their life did not identify those challenges as being ADHD.
Adults have often learned how to control some of the most apparent symptoms (hyperactivity, fidgeting, restlessness, interrupting or blurting out) to a point they are manageable. Still, some of the other symptoms have a way of sneaking into day-to-day life.
Sometimes "twice-exceptional" individuals - people who are both gifted but also struggle with ADHD - can escape notice in grade school and even post-secondary education by virtue of their giftedness and then later in life they begin to struggle. Often these struggles catch the individual off guard because they have managed well for so long, that they wonder why everything is falling apart now. To understand how this happens, we need to break the stereotype of ADHD as that hyper-can't-sit-still-out-of-control-boy. While that boy may have ADHD, so might the social butterfly, high-achieving girl in the same classroom.
Impaired executive function is a symptom of ADHD that often sneaks up on adults. Executive functioning is a set of thought processes that have a massive effect on managing life and its demands on them. This includes time management skills, emotional regulation, planning, filtering information, etc.
People with ADHD can train themselves to do these things and often do them for work, but because they aren't natural skills, they aren’t applied everywhere. For example, I have treated professionals whose careers relied on their ability to break problems down but find themselves overwhelmed by tasks at home because they "just don't know where to start!" Then their struggles cause them to feel ashamed, and they lash out at their partner, who is trying to help.
However, executive functioning is more than time management; it's also temporal reasoning, being aware of time passing, being aware of how long something takes to get done, and even an awareness of how far in the future or past something is. This leaves the individual with ADHD with a sense of time that only has two categories: Now and NOT Now.
Another executive functioning impairment is lack of impulse control which may result in snap decisions, financial issues, and often a never-ending string of never maintained hobbies. Struggles with emotional regulation lead to high excitement, massive lows, and quick anger. Combined with low impulse control, these emotions often lead to behaviours the person with ADHD later regrets but often is too ashamed of any of these struggles happening AGAIN.
There is still more being learned about ADHD today. The research into Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) has resonated with every one of my clients. The idea is that there is something that causes people with RSD - I might argue everyone with ADHD - to be harder on themselves than anyone else. The net result is that they take negative reinforcement harder and need more positive reinforcement for the same effect as someone without RSD. I've seen this play out in marriages where the spouse without ADHD says, "oh, the dishes aren't done'' and the spouse with ADHD hears, "why the $#@& aren't the dishes done?" and lashes out in response not only to the perceived attack but to their shame at not having done the dishes.
You may have noticed I have mentioned shame several times so far. This is because many people with ADHD feel shame about the challenges they face. They have heard advice like "you just have to do it" or been told that "you can do it" by well-meaning people and watched their peers manage life with what seems like so little effort, that often they want to hide all their struggles, especially from those whose approval they desire.
But those are just some challenges (not all but a good number) that ADHD can bring. What about the good? Is there any upside to ADHD?
Yes, ADHD can also bring some fantastic skills and talents. People with ADHD live with these every day, too. The trick is not to help them "unlock" these benefits but to allow them to see them through the challenges and notice the skills they do have.
People with ADHD are often creative problem solvers although it's hard to call them "out-of-the-box thinkers" since they often don't even see the box. They often feel empathy deeper than others, they are usually very passionate people, they are more likely to start a business, and they often thrive in a crisis. They can often see the big picture or end product easily.
Maybe you feel like I have written about your life here, or perhaps the life of someone you know. If so, there are a few things to know. First, if you have or suspect that you have ADHD: Get Treatment.
Medication is not the only treatment option; treatment also means learning the tools that will help regardless of whether the medication is right for you. Seek help from professionals who can help you understand those tools and talk to a doctor before deciding if medication is right for you. For those who know someone who has been diagnosed or is suspected to have ADHD or they suspect has ADHD: open, honest, calm communication is the first step, then it is up to them. You cannot support someone who does not want help. You will exhaust yourself and anger them. As hard as it is, you need only to take responsibility for yourself.
