How to Understand Your Limits and Communicate Them to Others
I think we can all admit that 2020 has been quite the year. A year that none of us could have predicted and one that even if we had predicted, would have been incredibly difficult to prepare for. It has been a year that has pushed many of us to our “limits”.
When we are presented with challenges in our daily life, in our relationships, or in our roles, they can tend to rattle our framework or impact our ability to hold on to our limits. Limits are an interesting concept and one that I like to think of as having two dimensions
The“limits” we have related to our values and core beliefs, and the“limits” we have for activities and interactions related to how we are actually coping and getting through the day.
For me, this is an incredibly important distinction, because those emotional limitations are actually “tolerances” that can ebb and flow and be influenced by everything else going on around us that may very well be outside of our control.
Knowing your tolerances and becoming comfortable communicating these can allow you to take care of yourself and enable you to feel more in control and grounded in situations that arise. Of course the first step is trying to figure out.
Your value related limits are ones you are probably fairly familiar with, they may be the answers to the following questions; What is important to me? Where would I draw the line? What doesn’t sit well with me? What are some of the core principals in my life?
Our day to day limits – or as I like to think of them “tolerances” can be much more fluid and may change regularly – but they are just as important to be aware of!
These tolerances can be influenced by your own mood, financial stress, family dynamics, quality relationships, support system around you, and your physical health. Tolerances can also change depending on what you have done that day, how well you slept, or even the weather outside your door.
In order to assess your daily limits it can be helpful to check in on you - think of it as a Morning Meeting with yourself!
How was my sleep?
What emotions am I feeling?
How would I rank my pain today?
Did I get some exercise in yesterday?
Where is my stress level at?
Once you have checked in with yourself, you can have a better sense of what feels “doable” or what is within your limits for that day. It can also help to then reflect on what is on your agenda for that day, if it feels like the to-do list ahead of you is outside of your current tolerances you can change that. Perhaps you need to move some things, or build up your resilience by fitting in some self-care or “fill your cup” activities first to boost those tolerances.
Alright. So you’ve checked in on you, done what you need to do to prepare for your day and now you need to communicate those tolerances to others. Some tips to keep in mind:
Spell it out, put words around what the limit is, eg. “I am not able to take on more tasks today” “I do not feel comfortable discussing this topic”
Be assertive, sometimes to help with assertiveness it's useful to practice what you want to say. Repeat it a few times.
Choose the best way to communicate with your audience, its best to be direct and keep it simple. Sending a text or e-mail may seem easier, but is it going to relay how important a limit is to you in that situation?
When it comes to communicating some of those bigger limits, the ones grounded in your values, it's useful to come up with a plan before those conversations and to pick a day when your tolerances are high. High tolerances means you have more resilience in stock and feel more in control!
Understanding your tolerances and your “limits” can be an incredibly valuable tool to use when navigating daily challenges of any size, big or small. Try implementing a morning meeting with yourself and see if it can help you navigate this rollercoaster of a world we’re in.
If you want to learn more, here is an interesting read about capacity and tolerance during Covid-19:
