Navigating the demands of culture while having a voice in your own life
Over the holidays, my counsellor (yes, counsellors have counsellors too lol) and I got into a conversation about personal identity and how much of my personal identity was influenced by the culture I was brought up in. I pondered over this question during my time off and engaged in some deep conversations with my family. One of the conversations that sticks out the most for me was when I questioned my parents on why they decided to move to Canada and their answer was just as I expected; “for a better quality of life for our children.”
Growing up as the eldest of three siblings, I always felt an immense amount of pressure to exceed the expectations of my parents in many areas of life. It was education that took the top spot, along with upholding the cultural values that they wanted to ensure their children maintained. As a kid, I recall how difficult it was to balance the desire of fitting in with the cool kids while simultaneously honouring the culture which my parents so desperately wanted us to preserve.
At a certain point in elementary school, I remember being embarrassed about everything that related to me being Punjabi – the food, the language, the clothing, and the holidays. At the time, I wished so hard to be the opposite of everything I was at home. It wasn’t until later in high school when I started to understand that my culture was not something to be embarrassed about, rather, it was something that made me unique. Further therapy then taught me that my Canadian identity as well as my Punjabi identity were aspects of my life that could exist at once.
Over the years, I have continued to appreciate my culture on a deeper level. Even as I write this blog, I can't help but feel a little embarrassed for how much shame I felt in accepting parts of myself in the past. Although there are facets of my cultural identity that I have chosen to disregard, I like to believe that I have preserved many aspects of my culture including the ones I was once embarrassed about. I am still working on it, but I have begun to find ways to balance my Punjabi and Canadian cultures/identities while having a voice and expressing who I am as a result of both influences.
Navigating the demands of culture while having a voice in your own life can be challenging. My hope is that with some of the tips mentioned below, you will be able to find ways to embrace and accept parts of yourself that make you proud.
Know your values: Identify what is important to you and what you stand for. This can help you make decisions that align with your values and give you a sense of purpose.
Communicate your boundaries: It's important to set boundaries and communicate them to others. This can help you protect your time and energy, and ensure that you are treated with respect.
Seek out supportive relationships: Surround yourself with people who support your values and respect your boundaries. These relationships can provide a sense of community and help you feel less isolated.
Practice self-care: Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This can help you feel more balanced and better able to cope with the demands of culture and life.
Take time to reflect: Regularly check in with yourself and reflect on your goals, values, and priorities. This can help you stay grounded and make sure that you are living in alignment with your authentic self..
Seek support: It can be helpful to talk to someone you trust about your feelings and concerns. This might be a friend, family member, or a therapist.
Find ways to express yourself: It's important to have outlets for your thoughts and feelings. This might be through writing, art, or other creative pursuits, or through activities like sports or hobbies.
Seek out role models: Look for people within your culture who have been able to successfully navigate similar challenges and draw inspiration from their experiences.
By following these tips, you can navigate the demands of culture while still having a voice in your own life. It's important to remember that it's okay to say no and to make choices that are in your best interest – even if they are different from what others in your culture might expect. It's a process, and it's okay to take things one step at a time.
If you find yourself trying to find balance between your culture and who you are becoming, I would be honoured to walk alongside you and help you find your voice.
