Mother’s Day Reflection - Tracey Dahl
I have conflicting tender emotions about Mother’s Day. I love seeing the fruit of all my labour as a Mom. What a joy to witness my adult children flourish and overcome the disappointments they face along the way. Welcoming our first two grandchildren and watching while my son becomes a father has been an unexpected, delightful epilogue to motherhood. On the one hand, the love poured into my internal vessel labelled Mom feels full and rich. But there is more to motherhood that I am keenly aware of and particularly sensitive to especially relating to the work I do with clients.
Right from the get-go, I hold space for women who have been waiting for the partnership to begin their journey to become a mom, but for some the wait is exhausting and disheartening. The annual Mother’s Day comes with sharp pangs of longing. Others make the decision to become a Mom without a partner, or have moved into the challenging role as single mom when their relationship ended. The road to Motherhood is rocky and diverse and I have learned to stay mindful that for some women, this weekend brings more pain than joy.
The road to carrying a baby to term can be a rough one, too. The label "Mom" comes with complex trauma for so many. Some struggle with fertility for years, enduring invasive, painful physical procedures and multiple IVF failures. Others might not struggle to get pregnant, but their babies die before birth. Losing a child at any week of pregnancy brings an unspeakable pain that often goes unnoticed.
You may be a stepmom and experiencing Mother's Day through this lens has so many layers to navigate. And at the other end of the parenting spectrum are the moms whose children have grown up and moved out. This change in season might come with a sense of pride in their accomplishments and a feeling of loss and confusion about what comes next. This hole can leave many feeling disoriented and questioning their value or worth. What am I now if my role as Mom changes?
We also view Mother's Day from the angle of looking outward towards our mothers. But sometimes, that perspective is a lot to hold. Our relationship with our Moms can be complicated or painful for some of us. You may have multiple moms, one who gave birth to you and another who adopted you. Possibly, you have gone a long time without your Mom already, or her death was recent, and this Mother's Day is a reminder of her absence.
Many women my age are dealing with another side of caregiving. Where roles reverse, and the daughter cares for her Mother. This is the role, I am currently in and a journey that comes with moments of unimaginable sadness. My Mom is slipping into dementia, and we are losing parts of her slowly. This is a journey that comes with unimaginable sadness. If you're like me, watching and caring for a parent who is fading before your eyes, know that someone else this weekend us feeling all the hard stuff with you.
If this day brings up painful emotions for you, please know that you are not alone, I feel it, too, and it requires gentleness and self-compassion for all the parts on the inside that may cry out for a bit more care over the Mother’s Day weekend.
