Meditation, Schadenfreude and Mudita
This past International Women’s Day, I found myself sitting in a circle, attempting to guide a meditation alongside my dear colleague, Clara Park, Acu. But as I began, I was acutely aware of the noisy group next door; scraping chairs, and clattering dishes echoing through the walls. Instantly, my mind resisted: "Really? Right now?" it complained. It was as if the noise grew louder with each passing thought.
I tried to sit with my discomfort, but the tension in my body was undeniable. It felt like my mind was arching its back, unwilling to relax. Then, I remembered something my meditation teacher had shared with me many years previous: during a retreat with a group of Buddhist monks, some of whom had been meditating for decades, they were so disturbed by the sound of planes flying overhead that they actually called the airport to inquire if re-routing was possible! Her response to this situation was simple yet powerful: “We are all practicing,” she told me, “soften toward yourself.”
In that moment, I was reminded that compassion - especially for ourselves - can be difficult to practice. It often feels like it should be a natural thing to do, yet when we’re in the throes of frustration or discomfort, it can be incredibly challenging. But there it was, the gentle invitation to soften, to embrace compassion in the face of my impatience. But how?
I thought about a concept I had heard Sam Harris describe: Mudita. He referred to it as the opposite of Schadenfreude. While Schadenfreude is the pleasure we sometimes feel when we see others fall from grace, Mudita is its antidote. Mudita is the practice of taking joy in the happiness and success of others.
I turned my attention back to the sounds of the group next door. At first, it felt like an intrusion - an obstacle to my practice - but as I listened more closely, I began to notice the underlying joy in those sounds. The happy conversations, the laughter, the clattering of plates—it was the sound of people gathered in celebration. And rather than dismissing it I found myself noticing it’s joyful nature. I invited the group to do the same: to listen and lean into the warmth of those sounds.
As we sat together in circle, something shifted. The women had gentle smiles on their faces and what was once an unwelcome distraction became a shared experience.The sounds of joy around us became a part of our meditation. In that moment, we weren’t just two separate groups—one in meditation, the other in celebration. We were all part of the same flow, connected by the simple, universal joy of being together in the present moment. Their joy, their shared laughter, was not something we needed to block out (or control)—it became something we could embrace, something we could celebrate as well. There, in that moment, we all practiced Mudita. The celebration next door was not just a collection of individual moments; it was a collective expression of life, of connection, of shared happiness.
The noise, once a source of irritation, had transformed into a reminder: we are all connected, and when we can soften our resistance and embrace each other’s joy, we create a space where compassion thrives.
* Meditation is an important tool for me as a trauma informed massage therapist. It helps me regulate my nervous system, which allows me to show up calm, connected, and ready to help you on your healing journey. If you are meditation-curious, don’t hesitate to come to one of our free monthly mediations or one of our longer fee-based mini-retreats.
