5 Actual Mental Health Green Flags to Look for While Dating

Seeking a healthy romantic relationship can seem like a Herculean task in today’s world with all its complexities. Simply labeling aspects of your partner or relationship as “green”, “red”, or “beige” might not be the right way to go. Read on to find out why and know more about the positive attributes to look for in a potential partnership.          

Thanks to the cognitive process called negativity bias in us humans, we tend to focus more on controversial and negative events and information. Fuelled by social media and our affliction for being consumed by screens than spending time living in the present moment, we unknowingly orient our minds to being overcritical and/or overwhelm it with the aim of protecting ourselves. As a result, we are quick to judge and spend most of our energy on noticing the red flags or deal-breakers in a relationship. We fail to see the good in others and do not value the green flags enough, which signal positive actions or traits required to build a strong foundation for a thriving relationship.

However, there are three important things to be mindful of when it comes to this phenomenon of categorizing actions, emotions, and interactions under mere “flags”. Firstly, this system is not absolute or all-encompassing. Certain green flags can initially appear to be red or vice-versa. Hence, they can be misleading. Secondly, every time we enter a new relationship, we open ourselves to a world filled with uncertainties and risk getting hurt. This vulnerability is part of the package, and it is impossible to avoid it or eliminate all its possibilities in any relationship, especially romantic ones. And lastly, we can certainly argue given the dynamic and ever-evolving nature of human relationships that these flags can fail to address the various dimensions of human connections as everything changes with time, including circumstances and individuals.  

However, there are certainly some positive qualities or green flags that should be prioritized while you contemplate going all in with someone romantically. Noticing and appreciating these characteristics in a potential partnership can help you materialize a healthy relationship that is not only lasting but equally fulfilling for both your partner and you. So, here are a few essential green flags that you should be on the look out for:

·      Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: Empathy is crucial for all relationships as it enables us to understand and share each other’s feelings. It also is the building block of an individual’s emotional intelligence or emotional quotient (EQ). People who are capable of self-awareness and self-regulation (signs of high EQ) can efficiently manage their emotions, thoughts, and actions in general as well as in the pursuit of their relationships. They tend to be compassionate, perceptive, and good communicators who express themselves well and also actively listen.

·      Conflict Resolution: Getting to know one another is a long process, fraught with differences and disagreements. Knowing how to deal with them is key and speaks volumes about a person. Approaching disagreements with openness and respect, listening to the other perspective with patience, and working towards a common solution are some major green flags indeed. Blaming and shaming your partner just for being different is highly problematic. Even suppressing emotions and letting them fester is never recommended as it only leads to anger and frustration. Resolving conflicts constructively and being willing to have difficult conversations are the cornerstones of compatibility and should never be underestimated.

·      Respect for Boundaries: One of the best ways to celebrate your partner’s individuality is by unconditionally respecting their boundaries. An apt partner will accept the limits you have set for yourself and never try to cross the lines by guilt-tripping you or complaining. They do not try to control the narrative and give you the space to be yourself by accepting your boundaries and accommodating them. Drawing personal boundaries is essential and healthy in all relationships as they empower you. And only a partner who mindfully regards them is the one who respects your autonomy and worthy of your trust.

·      Accountability: Little things like honoring your commitments, acknowledging your mistakes, and actively making amends go a long way in bringing stability to a relationship. Everyone is bound to make mistakes. Admitting that you are wrong, and apologizing can be hard. But saying sorry is an important communication tool as it demonstrates that your ego is not greater than the person you have hurt. When a person avoids or denies accountability, they are likely hiding something or dodging responsibility. 

·      Support and Safety: Being with the person you want to pursue a relationship with should make you feel relaxed and at peace. They should be able to provide you with the emotional and mental security you need to be your most authentic self, sans judgement or ridicule. It is possible to feel isolated and lonely despite being in a romantic relationship. But an ideal partner will always have your back and support you through the good times and the bad. They work with you as a team, celebrating your wins and also offering encouragement when things do not go your way.

If you are struggling with dating or concerned about how your love life is affecting your mental well-being then do get in touch with us at Panorama Wellness. We provide a conducive environment as well as certified experts, who can help you in managing your personal troubles with wholesome solutions and guide you in achieving healthy relationships with yourself and others.  Learn more about the author Mridul, here.