How can I communicate better with my partner?
Are you and your partner finding it hard to communicate?
Was it easier at the beginning of your relationship and now it seems impossible?
Do you feel like your partner just doesn’t get you anymore?
Are you noticing daily arguments?
If you are nodding your head to any of these questions well….
Communication can strain a relationship and it is so important to understand what you and your partner need when it comes to communicating with one another. I truly believe that communication can either make or break a relationship. Poor communication between you and your partner can cause stress and emotional turmoil. Which is why many couples seek counselling when communication styles conflict, cause anxiety and one or both partners feel like they are walking on eggshells around each other. Does this sound like you? Do you want to improve how you communicate with your partner?
There are several things you and your partner can start to do today to improve communication.
Talk Often
Try to remember when you first met your partner? The times when you couldn’t wait to see/hear from her or him, couldn’t wait to talk and ask about their day. The times when there were daily check ins and when meaningful words were spoken like, “I miss you” and frequent, “I love you”. When was the last time you consistently checked in with your partner? I mean truly checked in and provided a safe spot for them to talk to you.
What would it feel like to text or call your partner more often to check in? What would it look like to discuss the little things over small daily conversations as opposed to having everything explode at once? Talking more often can create a more relaxed connection so when bigger issues arise, approaching each other to discuss them may feel easier.
Listen and be curious
I am sure you have heard of the concept of active listening, but if not - in simple terms, it’s when you show the person that is talking to you that you are truly listening either by verbal cues or physical cues like shaking your head. It can be easy to pretend and really NOT be listening.
Next time your partner speaks to you, try to listen to every word carefully, with meaning and curiosity instead of how you are going to respond. Be mindful of their tone and the emotions, then think before you respond. Most times when tension is high between couples the goal in the argument is who will bite harder! Sound familiar?
Try something different by asking questions, trying to understand your partner, be curious about the words they use, about the feelings they are portraying, ask questions and wonder why the conversation is being had. As the old saying goes, put yourself in their shoes and try to understand exactly what it is that your partner needs and then encourage them to do the same.
Try using different language for example instead of defending yourself or blaming them, try “I can hear this conversation is good for us, let’s try to stay on a good path and listen to each other instead of yelling like we usually do”. Remember, this takes time and consistency to see change.
Provide a safe space
Unfortunately, when walking on eggshells around each other it is certainly hard to feel safe to approach any conversation. So how do you start to create a safe space?
By showing appreciation, giving compliments, showing you care, and respecting them and their thoughts, beliefs and values. Often our partners are doing things that are going unnoticed. Imagine saying thank you when your partner takes the garbage out, or does the dishes. Maybe you have small children at home, if so, do you thank each other for changing diapers, or nap times? Start sharing gratitude to one another, value each other's qualities and then vocally state it. These are little shifts that can make a huge difference in your attitudes and by transforming the atmosphere with positivity.
If you read this blog and you think you and your partner would benefit from using these tips, maybe share the blog with your partner and have a positive conversation on wishing to change your communication style to benefit both of you.
I absolutely love working with couples and if you find you enjoyed these tips and want to discover more ways to change your relationship for the better please reach out to make an appointment today.
