How To Help Your Relationship Survive COVID-19
We are finding ourselves in the midst of the third wave of the pandemic. As such, many of us are struggling financially, experiencing loneliness, fear, worry, or uncertainty, or navigating difficult relationship dynamics. If you are partnered, you may be searching for new ways to relate, resolve issues, or simply be together. So, how can you move through this perhaps once in a lifetime event with your relationship intact?
Before we answer this, let’s identify some of our basic needs in a romantic relationship. We all desiresecurity, the feeling of being wanted, and the freedom to be ourselves. COVID-19 may threaten those basic relational needs. For example, you may feel insecure in your relationship if there is a job loss. Such a loss can create an unclear financial future for you both, which may lead to thoughts about whether your relationship can survive the financial burden. Or, one of you may have become sad, irritable, or withdrawn due to burnout from living with the health orders. This may have caused a lacklustre sex life between you two. Alternatively, you may have found yourself as a shell of who you once were. Your interests, hobbies, or other past-times are no longer present because of the COVID-19 restrictions. The freedom to live your life recreating, socializing, and experiencing things that brought joy, meaning, and fulfilment into your life are no longer there, or they are present to a much lesser extent. This may be causing you to feel distant from your partner, or that your relationship has stagnated, become constrained, or is lacking a certain “spark.”
If you’re finding that your relationship is barely surviving, you are not alone. You aren’t completely to blame. You’re not totally in control either. There is a myriad of societal, governmental, and financial factors that are contributing to the functioning and status of your relationship. Around the world, couples are finding themselves in a novel and tenuous environment to hold on to what they have worked to achieve. However, knowing that you aren’t completely responsible for what is affecting your relationship or that you aren’t alone may not be enough.
If you are still wanting to do more, to bring more solace or love into your relationship so that you are settled, confident, and happy again, have faith. Here are some suggestions that can help your relationship survive Covid-19:
Set up a weekly indoor date night with your partner. This may be putting your kids to bed early, putting on a movie, and then ordering your dinner delivered. It could also be solving a puzzle or playing a game together without the T.V. on and your phones away. It could also be a relationship trivia night. The Gottman Institute has a great phone app that provides you with a bunch of questions to ask your partner. They cover some general questions, ones that go deeper, and even questions about what you want your sex life to look like.
Buy your partner’s favourite book, candle, soap, or incense that makes them smile. This can make them feel noticed, considered, and cared for.
Set aside time throughout the day to text, call, message or tell your partner in person how much you love or appreciate them.
Consider doing that housework, chore, or errand that could take a load off your partner’s plate. By engaging in acts of service, you communicate to your partner that you are recognizing their limits and needs.
Lastly, communicate things you wish to get off your chest in a way that’s genuine and honest. This not only will allow you to begin overcoming relational hurdles but help prevent bigger problems from coming down the pipeline at a later date. This can look like, “Hey honey, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to feel resentful when I clean the kitchen every morning. I’m wondering if we can work something out where we share that load.”
If you recognize that you need a bit more support because of how COVID-19 is affecting your relationship, contact Panorama Wellness Group for couples’ counselling.Counselling can be an excellent resource and tool for you and your partner to identify, address, and work through issues in a way that is best fit for you both.
Duncan Keist is one of the couples’ counsellors at Panorama Wellness Group. He is passionate about helping relationships like yours reignite that spark. He diligently works with you, at a pace and with a focus that is right for you, helping your relationship find a way to move beyond surviving and back into thriving. Contact us today for a free consultation or to book an appointment at info@panoramawellnessgroup.ca
