How is it almost October??
It feels like labour day weekend just happened and you still don’t feel ready to be back at work. It’s hard enough trying to get the kids back to school any regular September, but throw a pandemic into the mix, and it now feels impossible. You feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed and it is not even the end of September – how are you going to last until Christmas?
I want to tell you that it’s okay to not have it all together. If you managed to get dressed, feed your kids, and take them to school on time, then you should be proud of yourself. Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves because we don’t look like every other parent – their kids are in three different sports, they volunteer, they are a part of the parent advisory committee, and their house is spotless. Trust me, if they have all their crap together on the outside, they don’t look the same on the inside.
Give yourself some compassion. Nobody is perfect. Be gentle with yourself as you recognize that you can’t do it all. We all make mistakes, and we all experience disappointments in life. Instead of telling yourself you are a failure and criticizing everything that you could have done better, greet yourself with kindness and understanding. You had a rough week – your boss moved the deadline, you missed your dentist appointment, and you forgot your kid at school. What parent hasn’t? Forgive yourself, don’t allow shame or negative thoughts to take over, and tell yourself that you did the best that you could.
Set realistic expectations for yourself. Maybe you just came from your summer vacation or had a lighter workload and are now diving into the deep end barely keeping afloat. You have a million things on the to-do list and notice that your mental health has taken a toll and you haven’t showered in 3 days. It’s time to take a moment and realize that you might have taken on too much or have too high of expectations for yourself. Ask yourself, what can I say yes to this week. It’s okay to say no and not feel guilty about it. A phrase I heard once is, “you know your limit so stay within in” – this relates to how much you can take on. Aren’t able to volunteer for your son’s class field trip? That’s okay! It’s better to give three people 100% of your efforts than give ten people 45% of yourself.
Take time for yourself. Get up. Get dressed. Make the kids breakfast. Take them to school. Go to work. Pick up the kids from school. Take daughter to piano lessons. Take son to hockey practice. Pick up daughter. Go home. Clean up. Make dinner. Clean up. Pick up son. Pack school lunches. Get kids ready for bed. Clean up. Go to sleep. What’s wrong with this schedule?
I wouldn’t be surprised if this sounds like yours.. There is no “me time” in there. It is so important to make time for yourself. In order to have time for yourself, you have to make time for yourself. You only have 24 hours in your day. Does this mean waking up a half-hour earlier to read a book and enjoy a coffee, or getting in some yoga? Does this mean leaving your workplace and going for a walk during your lunch break? Does this mean asking your partner to make the kids lunch or take on more responsibilities while you paint your toenails or catch the last few minutes of the game? If you are able to have some “me time” – I promise you, you’ll have more energy to do the things you have to do.
Wow, it’s only October? Wouldn’t it be nice if this is what we heard most people say instead? I encourage you to give yourself some compassion, set realistic expectations for yourself, say no even if you have room to say yes, and take time for yourself. Do things you love to do, laugh a little at your mistakes, and remember - you matter too.
