What is premarital counselling?
Engagement and the months leading up to the celebration of a wedding can be such an exciting (and overwhelming!) time. Maybe you’ve been waiting a long time for this season, or maybe it’s come sooner than expected. Either way, you’ve made one of the most important decisions of your life: you’ve agreed to commit yourself to another person, for better or for worse, for as long as you both shall live. We hear those words said so often at weddings that they can start to lose their significance… Marriage is a wonderful gift, and yet the work it takes to make it succeed is no small task!
Studies show that couples who participate in premarital counselling are up to 30% more likely to experience “success” in marriage.
Success doesn’t just mean avoiding divorce.
Couples who commit to premarital counselling tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction, as well as overall health within the relationship. Let’s be real: every couple faces problems in marriage – premarital counselling does not prevent problems – but it does give couples tools to strengthen their relationship and prepare for the inevitable challenges that are to come.
I love working with couples who are about to enter this new phase of their relationship. Typically, couples are coming to premarital counselling full of hope and a desire to do whatever they can to start out well. I picture the work of premarital counselling like that of building a house. A couple meets, gets to know one another, falls in love, and eventually decides they want to get married. At this point you have already started to lay the foundation of your home. You have likely identified cracks in the foundation of your relationship that may need some attention, and you’ve likely found areas that are strong and sturdy. My job is to come alongside and equip you to make your home stronger and sturdier than perhaps you could on your own, so that you feel confident to keep building for years to come. So what is premarital counselling?
Throughout the course of premarital counselling, we will focus on topics such as strength & growth areas in your relationship, communication, conflict resolution, family of origin dynamics (and how they impact your relationship dynamic), personality types & areas of difference, how you each manage stress, marital expectations, finances, and parenting expectations. During our first session, I just want to get to know you and hear a bit about your story, as well as your hopes or desired areas of focus for premarital counselling. During that initial session, we determine how many sessions would feel adequate and identify where to put our focus. Between our first and second session I get you each to complete an online assessment which involves answering a series of reflective questions about your relationship. Once you’ve both completed this, a report is generated and sent to me which compiles lots of helpful information tailored specifically to your relationship, which we will review together.
I truly enjoy getting to support couples through this season of life – it’s a privilege to get to know each couple I’ve worked with, and believe it or not, I even find it fun. Although there can be vulnerable moments within premarital counselling, I also find couples genuinely enjoy the process of learning more about one other, grow deeper in appreciation for and trust of the other, and come away feeling that much more prepared to navigate marriage.
You may still have some questions about premarital counselling, what to expect, and if it’s right for you… totally fair! I’ve listed a few FAQs below that might be helpful.
Q: Who is premarital counselling for?
Engaged couples
Couples in a committed relationship
Couples considering engagement
Couples wanting to improve the quality of their relationship before marriage
Q: How many sessions will it take?
This depends on the couples’ time & financial commitment, timeline before the wedding, and hopes for counselling. We will work together to determine the number of sessions that works best for you, but typically it ranges from 4-8 sessions.
Q: Can we do a few sessions before our wedding and a few sessions afterwards?
Yes!
Q: Will there be “homework?”
Yes! But only if you want it. I give each couple a workbook full of helpful/practical exercises and conversation starters they can take home and use to help continue the conversations that happen in counselling.
Q: How do we decide if we want a therapist or a pastor conduct our premarital counselling?
Essentially this is a personal preference and comes down to what you’re comfortable with. A pastor may offer an element of spiritual direction that a counsellor cannot. However, counsellors are trained to help you dive deeper on topics pertaining to trauma, attachment, communication, and family or origin dynamics.
I also offer free phone consults so that you can better determine if this is a step you want to take. If that’s something you’d be interested in, you can send me us an email at info@panoramawellnessgroup.ca and I’d be happy to set up a time to connect.
