5 Ways to Improve Your Friendship Post-Pandemic
Some of us easily connected with friends prior to COVID-19. Yet after the onset of the pandemic, many of us felt disconnected or estranged from them. You may have sensed that some friends devolved into acquaintances. Other friendships may have become lacklustre or stagnate. When you are feeling that a friendship has fallen on hard times, you may be frustrated, hurt, angry, or unsure how or if the friendship should continue.
Take a deep breath and have no fear. That friendship of yours that you sense has an end date may have some hope in it yet. Here are 5 ways to improve your friendship:
Take a Trip Down Memory Lane
What started the friendship? Was it a shared hobby or belief? What brought you two together? Reflecting on what caused the friendship to form in the first place is a great way to remember why you’re in it and how to bring some life back into it. Occasionally, friends get bogged down with stuff that distracts, takes away, or muddles the core reason of why your friendship exists at all. Get back to your roots with your friend and celebrate them together.
Sharing Is Caring
Consider writing a list, doing a thought experiment, or journaling about why you love your friend. It can be for any number of their characteristics, traits, or how they make you feel. Then, consider sharing some of those ideas with them. By doing so, you may surprise them with words of affection that they did not see coming, and they may appreciate that you did. That shared affection can then build a stronger bond between the two of you.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Is the time spent with your friend of high quality or quantity? Think about who you are when you are with them. Do you feel obliged to spend time with them? Is spending time with them draining? Do you roll your eyes when you see them for the fourth time in one week? If so, your friendship may be reaching its time and energy limits. Think about scaling back, so that time spent with your buddy feels more like you are choosing to be with them rather than HAVING to, which helps it feel less constraining and natural.
It’s About Give and Take
Are you the one in the friendship that takes, takes, takes? Or maybe you identify as a helper or giver, always needing to be at the head of the line to let friends know you want to take care of their every need, wish, or desire? If either friend is you, you may be burning out – or burning out the friendship. Your interests, needs, and concerns matter just as much as your friends’ do. Friendships need to be based on mutual benefits and reciprocity. That doesn’t mean that you should start keeping score or start doing things quid pro quo. It does mean to be more reflective of how your time, energy, and other resources are spent – and if you are getting anything worthy back. By bringing more balance to the bond, you will both find more value in relating to one another.
Open Up
Friendships aren’t always fun and games. It’s sometimes necessary, especially for long-standing friendships, to have a heart-to-heart with your friend about the strengths and struggles of your relationship. This may be uncomfortable or daunting. However, communicating with your friend about what’s not working for you is important. It allows you to be honest, have your needs addressed, and for you two to potentially get closer.
If having “the talk” is in your future, here are some quick pointers:
use “I” statements
be clear and concise
ensure you both know this about helping your friendship be strong and grow as opposed to tearing it down
use your best judgment when to bring up those sensitive subjects.
By doing so, your friend may admire your courage and consideration for the friendship.
One of the things that Covid has done for a lot of people, is to help remind us of what is important in life. If the last year-and-a-half has helped you really get clear on what kinds of relationships you want, I’d encourage you to consider using one or all of these ways to improve your friendship over the coming months. I hope that it helps you walk away with stronger, more meaningful relationships.
If you’d like to get more personalized help in this area, please reach out. I am currently taking new clients, and if I’m not the best fit, there are other therapists at Panorama Wellness Group who would be happy to help you navigate your friendships.
