Mother’s Day Reflections - Hannah Adam

For those of you who do not know me - I am not a mother.

Despite how much I love spending time with and caring for my two bunnies, nieces, and nephews, I know this does not qualify me to understand what it is to be a mother.

I will never forget the first time I read Elizabeth Stone’s quote on becoming a parent,

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

When I read this quote I was stunned – having spent my life watching my own mother care for 6 children and my sisters caring for their children, this quote put so plainly what I have witnessed through their experiences. I’ve watched the struggles and sacrifices they’ve made when I could not fathom how they could sacrifice any more than they already had. The depth of joy and delight their faces and voices hold watching their little (or not so little) ones grow, and the heartbreak and pain when they hurt or hurt others, and the grief.

I’ve watched my mother and mother-in-law grieve as they lost adult sons. I know well the grief of losing brothers prematurely and even suddenly, yet the grief of losing your own child or children strikes me as a different kind of grief altogether. So Mother’s Day is a day I choose to remember those who have lost the loved ones who gave them the title “Mother”. 

It's also a day I choose to remember the many women who have held a mother-like influence in my life, helping me foster my own ability to nurture myself and others. Through my experience working with those transitioning into or living post-retirement, I am grateful to have gained insight and knowledge from their experiences. On this day I remember these beautiful individuals and grieve the loss of those who are no longer with us.  

Finally, for me, Mother’s Day is a day for gratitude – I am thankful for my own mother, sisters, and mother-in-law who are still here, and am grateful for each and every mother that I walk alongside as they work towards their own well-being and, by extension, the wellness of their children. Watching their struggles and triumphs inspires me through my own challenges and increases my dedication to walk alongside these amazing mothers.  

While, for many, Mother’s day may feel like a case of “have’s” and “have not’s”, I believe we can all hold space for one another – holding space to grieve with those who have experienced loss and space to celebrate the impact of those mothers and the mother-like influences we have in our lives.