What are Coping Tools for Students who are Experiencing Bullying?
How can you manage all the things that come up when you are being bullied? Firstly, it is best to understand what bullying is. Bullying is often intentional and targets a specific person, intentionally trying to either hurt or harm them. Bullying will often be repetitive, and it can be seen as an imbalance of power. Bullies will use force or coercion to intimidate or scare you.
There are many ways bulling can be carried out; from spreading rumors, saying threats, gossiping, posting on social media platforms, blackmail, using technology such as taking photos of someone without their consent, physical or sexual harassment, and verbal harassment. With technology being so widespread, it is much easier for bullies to use platforms such as Instagram, Facebook and TikTok to attack people.
There are many ways to label bullying; there is cyberbullying, which is online through either text or social media platforms. Verbal bullying is when a bully says mean or nasty things to you. Then, there is physical bullying; someone hitting, punching, kicking you, or does any bodily harm to you. Some bullies will harass you buy saying sexual comments or doing sexual actions towards you; making sex jokes, comments, or even gestures and spreading sexual rumors to others.
I often like to tell the youth that I work with a little secret…Bullies are hurting on the inside, way more than we can imagine. Often times people who hurt or cause harm to others are hurting too, and find that attacking others is a way for them to cope. It’s not a good way by any means. Bullies often see it as one of their outlets or ways to release their pain and sadness. Bullies often have so much more going on at home.
Bullying is very prevalent amongst youth and teenagers. Approximately 20-25% of students who are of ages 12-18 are bullied. It does not matter what school you go to, it exists everywhere.
One of the most effective therapies that work on the distress caused by bullying is known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT for short. CBT works with you break down your anxious or negative thoughts and thought patterns, your feelings, and to understand your behaviours. For example, when we experience bullying we will likely question our self-worth. Our self-esteem plummets. Our negative thoughts will eat us up every day. It will tap into our insecurities and make it difficult to eat, sleep, socialize, do homework, and to learn at school. CBT is a solution focused therapy that helps to reduce symptoms that are associated with anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in youth.
Another way to deal with bullying is to tell a trusted adult. No, you’re not being a ‘nark’. If you are experiencing bullying, likely you are not the only person getting bullied by them. Help advocate for yourself and for others by telling an adult you trust. We cannot help if we don’t know what is going on. A common roadblock for youth is fear. Fear of telling on the bully, thinking that it might make the bullying worse. This is a very common fear and it is untrue. We might even feel embarrassed to tell someone because of how our peers are treating us. Ask any adult; chances are that they or someone they know experienced bullying in their teenage years. It is so common, but we need to do something about it!
Another way to cope with being bullied is to simply ignore the bully. Often, they are looking for a reaction from you. If there is no reaction, then the bully often gets bored or gives up. Not always, but sometimes.
Try to walk with friends. It might be easier for a bully to target you when you are alone, but if you are with other people, they are less likely to harm you.
Lastly, another way is to stand up for yourself, if it is safe to do so. Respectfully tell the bully to stop their behaviour, be firm and stand your ground. This is something you can rehearse at a counselling session!
If you or your teen are dealing with bullying and want some support, I offer in-person counselling for bullying in Langley, BC. Click here or on the link below to learn more about me and book your first appointment.
