Effects of Childhood Affection Deprivation: 4 Defence Mechanisms and Pathways to Healing

Growing up in an insecure household, where love is scarce and emotions go unacknowledged, profoundly impacts a child's mental well-being. To navigate these challenging conditions and cultivate resilience, children frequently adopt four defence mechanisms offering short-term relief but carrying potential long-term implications: fostering optimistic future outlooks, internalizing justifications, self-blame, and normalizing negative behaviours. These mechanisms significantly influence a child's emotional equilibrium and social connections, often persisting into adulthood. Below, explore a comprehensive breakdown of these coping mechanisms and their detrimental effects.

1. Optimistic Expectations for the Future:

Some children may have a hopeful attitude when faced with parental neglect or unkindness. They often hope that the other party will eventually change their behaviour and be kinder to them. This defence mechanism leads to tolerance of unfavourable conditions. Unfortunately, this optimistic view can lead to long-term vulnerability for people over time, because instead of actively using their abilities to solve problems, such as talking about what they need or asking others for help to improve their situation, they passively wait for others' changes. In this situation, the kids lose their self-confidence, ignore their abilities, and consider themselves weaker than they can change the situation. So, instead of actively trying to change the situation, they passively wait for external changes. Unfortunately, this defence mechanism can continue until adulthood.

2. Internal justification:

Children may internalize situations and convince themselves that despite the hurtful behaviour inflicted on them, the perpetrators have inherent goodness and do not intend to harm them. This belief can lead to an increase in the child's resilience and continue until adulthood. Adopting this defence mechanism causes the child to look for reasons to accept and accompany the abuser instead of accepting the abuser's faults and trying to protect his rights. The negative results of this mechanism appear in the form of lack of self-esteem in childhood and adulthood, difficulty in recognizing red flags in relationships and reinforced vulnerability. The resistance of these people to create boundaries at all ages prevents healthy relationships and ultimately leads to emotional conflicts and psychological turmoil.

3. Self-blame:

One of the most painful sacrifices a child can make is to accept blame, believing that he doesn't deserve love and attention, and always blaming himself and thinking that because I'm a bad kid I don't get attention. This self-perception can profoundly affect a child's self-esteem, peer relationships, and emotional development. This destructive perception permeates from childhood to adulthood and affects mental health, relationship dynamics, and personal growth. This belief reinforces the cycle of guilt in the child and prevents him from emotional well-being.

4. Normalization of negative behaviour:

To calm themselves and cope with difficult situations, children may normalize their parents' lack of affection and attention, believing that all children are treated like me and that most adults are not kind and supportive. They may believe that this is a normal process of life, but it is painful. This normalization leads to tolerance of painful behaviours and adaptation to lack of affection and neglect. These children have difficulty recognizing healthy relationships and often fail to create and maintain friendly and emotional relationships because they unconsciously treat others as they have been treated. This unconscious repetition of normalized negative behaviours affects mental health and reduces life satisfaction.

Recognizing the importance of intervention and support, whether for a child or an adult with a parallel childhood experience, therapists play an essential role in helping individuals overcome these barriers. By providing a safe environment to explore emotions, acquire healthy coping strategies, and reframe perspectives, therapists act as guides for traumatized children and adults, guiding them toward emotional healing and resilience. One of the very useful approaches that are recommended for these people is cognitive behavioural therapy, which brings a brighter future to people by correcting old ideas and beliefs. In addition, combining the cognitive behavioural therapy approach with play therapy and story therapy can be the best treatment method for children who need to improve their mental health.

If you are looking for in person counselling in Surrey for your children, please contact us today.