Do I Have to Cry in a Counselling Session?

You may have experienced this. You go to your therapy session completely calm and present, and then five minutes later you’re crying…and apologizing for crying.

Or you may have the opposite question or concern. If I start with counselling, does that mean I’m going to have to cry?

I thought it would be helpful to talk about how crying is viewed from a therapist’s perspective.

When I see a client begin to cry, I see emotions beginning to surface that need somewhere to land.

I see a healthy release taking place. I see someone being vulnerable and brave at the same time as they let themselves release some of the weight they have been carrying. I see someone listening to their body and giving themselves permission to let the tears flow.

I feel compassion for the person sitting across from me who has been holding these emotions for I’m not even sure how long. I feel honoured that they feel emotionally safe enough to be their authentic self in their healing journey. I feel what’s happening in the room with them, and I admire them.

What Are the Tears Saying?

There is nothing to be ashamed of when crying happens. Crying is natural, and it can be healthy. It can also give us an opportunity to explore the meaning behind what is coming up.

When a client begins to cry, I may ask, “What are the tears saying for you?” or “What part of you is sitting with the tears right now?”

These questions help us understand a little more about what the tears may represent and why they needed to surface in that moment. Sometimes they are connected to what is happening right now. Other times, a current situation may be connected to a previous memory or something similar that happened in the past.

I often notice deeper breaths begin to take place as someone cries. I welcome the release to take the time it needs. Processing emotions is not something to be rushed. It is something to be handled with care.

If tears begin to feel overwhelming, we can slow down together. I may encourage the person to notice their feet on the floor, take a deeper breath, or look around the room and reconnect with the present moment. Crying doesn’t mean we have to keep pushing deeper. We can pause, take our time, and listen to what the body needs.

What Crying Means to Me Personally

Crying has personally helped me let go of many things I kept inside for many years.

When I let out a good cry, it helps me acknowledge what my emotions are saying through the tears running down my face. It gives me a better understanding of what the moment means to me and where I want to go from there.

Crying makes me feel human because I am human. I am a person with real emotions that represent something in my life that may hold a deeper meaning.

The more I have allowed myself to cry, the more layers of healing I have begun to uncover. Mixed emotions can come up. Current situations can connect with previous memories of something similar. Sometimes one part of me wants to remain strong and continue pushing through, while another part is tired of holding everything together.

I know what it is like for those different emotions to battle one another. I know the part that wants to stay strong, but I also know the part that is tired of always being the strong one.

My own experience with crying has created a deep desire in me to cultivate a counselling space where tears are welcomed with compassion rather than judgment. When I am sitting across from someone who begins to cry, I make space for them and their emotions. I do not want them to feel rushed, ashamed, or as though they need to quickly pull themselves back together.

What If I Don’t Cry in Counselling?

When a client does not cry, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with them.

Crying has helped me move forward in my own healing journey, but that does not mean it has to look the same for everyone else. Healing does not look the same in every person, and it does not need to be measured in the same way.

Healing can look like setting a boundary, being more intentional about self-care, allowing yourself to rest, using your voice, or recognizing what you need and choosing to honour that need.

You do not have to cry for counselling to be meaningful. You do not have to force emotions to come out before you feel ready. Whether you cry, sit quietly, laugh, or struggle to find the words, you are welcome to come as you are.

If you’re ready to get started with counselling (psychotherapy), I offer in-person and virtual therapy through our office in Surrey, BC. And if you do cry, I’d love to explore with you what your tears mean to you and how you are going to heal and move forward. You can reach out to book your free consultation or first session here.